39 days it took to face the elephant in the room.
39 days ago (which was 2 days ago when I initially started writing this post, umm HELLO LIFE!) we had to let our 12 year old German Shepherd go to her final rest. And with only her son Bentley left behind the big bag of dog food began to stare at me from all angles of the room… every time I walked by.
I guess everyone has their way of dealing with losing their beloved pets. Everyone deals differently. For me, the entire week of letting Gemini go was devastating. The 2 days prior, while she was at the vet and having tests done, knowing we were leading to an unfortunate decision were just as hard as making the decision to let her go. Being there in Gemini’s final moments, her head resting in my hands, choking on tears… there are just some things you won’t ever forget. The next morning, Abasi and I quietly looked for a place to bury her along the coast, high enough from any water and along the path we use for our runs. Together and without speaking, we dug a hole, placed her in gently and gave her a toy of Kennedy’s and 2 coconuts to hopefully grow a tree from. We filled in the sand, placed flowers on her grave and said a prayer. And really, that was that. We cried and we hugged. And that pretty much happened the rest of the week… crying and hugging, crying and hugging.
She always loved the beach… rest easy girl ❤
Honestly, the memories we have with her, the pictures, the now empty dog collar hanging from our rearview mirror, and the other Shepherds running around town were nothing compared to seeing this seemingly bottomless bag of food. I was praying to buy another bag. For years, we bitched and moaned about how much food the dogs ate and joked that they better find jobs to help pitch in. It felt like every single week I was running last minute to the store to grab the huge bag of food to feed our horse sized (slight exaggeration) dogs that would be gone in the blink of an eye. But now, the hardest part of dealing with letting Gemini go was having to walk past a bag of food every day that seemed to have no where to go.
Of course Bentley was eating… Bentley eats everything. But still for 39 days I felt like I was holding my breath until I had to buy more. The first bag since Gemini. The first bag without Gemini.
And as simple as that, I feel like a weight has been lifted from me. It may seem small and insignificant but it’s as if a page has turned and now we can continue writing the rest of our story… always with Gemini in our prelude. I don’t have any other beautiful or transcendent words to say about this. It was just a bag of smelly dog food… but I feel better.
And so, I just want to end by reiterating something I wrote the day we buried her, which I feel she deserves to have re-said:
“Yesterday we had to say goodbye to a huge part of our hearts and our family. Gemini was a beautiful dog and from day one of bringing Kennedy home, she hovered near her, watching her. When Kennedy got older she would nudge Kennedy away from places or areas she shouldn’t be crawling or walking to. We know she isn’t in pain anymore, and I suppose love is enduring a pain yourself so that she can be free of it. Thank you Gemini for being an amazing little puppy that allowed Abasi to understand the first true feelings of tenderness for caring for another life. Thank you for so effortlessly loving me when I came into the picture. Thank you for giving us Bentley who is the silliest dog in the world and looks like a horse. I promise to take extra good care of him now when he will need you most. Thank you for taking this adventure with us to Costa Rica, you walked the lands of many countries, more than a lot of other dogs. And thank you for always seeming to have a protective spirit around Kennedy. I know you will still “shepherd” her and all of us in the right direction. Dogs aren’t just dogs, they are family, and we will love and miss you for the rest of our time. Sleep easy. RIP Gemini.”
Do You Have a Jungle Princess? 