Mornings I Want to SCREEAMM!!!

Oh hello 6:30am… is it time to wake up, because I could’ve sworn I just closed my eyes barely before my head hitting the pillow.

But no, it has to be time to get up, because I hear Kennedy pounding on her door, yelling “MAAAMMMAA!!”  Opening the door, I am greeted by the newest fashion trend Kennedy is flaunting… full on nudity, convinced she must take off her own diaper behind the door every morning.  And it is definitely morning, because the sun is up from its sleep as well and the monkeys, yes monkeys, are howling and grunting high above our heads.  Yes… it is definitely morning in Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica for this Jungle Princess and her mama.

But unlike normal mornings, coffee in hand and cartoons on the TV, we don’t have time today to adjust to the new day before heading to school.  No, today we must finish the cake for Kennedy’s class party, which means running out to town before 8am.  Hurry, hurry, hurry, we have to get out the door my little love.

Hardly.  My beautiful child, who can rock an easy disposition like no ones business is having none of it today.  Incessant whining every time I put her down, needing to be held, then yelling NO! as if to say “HOW DARE YOU PICK ME UP!”  This tiny little maniac is sending signals all over the place and all the whining is already fine tuning my must-get-coffee-now-headache.  God bless my soul, even her rare moments of happiness induced singing are driving me crazy this morning. Pushing through the fits and  trying my damnedest to keep calm, I turn her attention to getting dressed because today, I remind her, is a party at school!  My efforts seem not to be in vain but she quickly remembers she has recently mastered her colors- thank God because I swear I thought she was color blind. However, Hell hath no fury like a toddler that knows her colors.  “GGGWWEEEENNNN PANNNTSSSS!!!”  Dear God, please Krysta… find the green pants, I beg of myself.  And as if taunting me, I peer through her bedroom window to see her green pants hanging on the line, dripping wet from last night’s (and the night before that and the night before that and, well you get it…) rain.  Well that sucks.

I try to steer her attention to a “yellow-green” shirt, to no avail.  Thankfully, after another bout of fits and crying, she decides red is ok to wear and like a gift given from God himself, there are a pair of red pants sitting as a sacrifice atop the pile.  Remember to say an extra thank you later, I remind myself.

Fast forwarding through more huffs and puffs, the wanting the banana then not wanting the banana, NEEDING to wear her blue shoes (what do I care if it doesn’t match and we can get it done without tears), and again with the needing to be held… carried actually to the car.  It feels like I’m rounding third, on my way to home plate, just a quick stop at the store and we are at school… I can practically smell the coffee percolating in my kitchen.

BUT NO, duh.  The mental prepping I had done last night is all awash.  The candy I had envisioned on the cake is out of stock and the other candies aren’t going to cut it.  Think fast, move on Krysta.  At this point, Kennedy has already stared wide eyed at the candy display, holding onto the promise she could have “only one.”  With the time restraint and lack of suitable candy, I make what I know to be an unwise move and leave the store, sans candy.  Insert waterworks —->> here.  More like fireworks with tears, as she screams and thrashes all the way to the car.  A local surfer I pass says “you look nervous,” and though I think the term got lost in a language translation, I know what he means and blurt out “I JUST NEED TO FINISH A CAKE!!!”

I run to the only other store open at this hour and settle on rainbow sprinkles… no not Jimmies to all my South Jersey friends… these are the tiny little ball sprinkles.  It is lack luster but it will have to suffice.  Kennedy at this point has refocused her energies and compromises on a juice.  Easy.  Buy it and run to the car, open the sprinkles and again my Murphy’s Law of a morning continues.  SPRINKLES EVERYWHERE.  EVERYWHERE.  Clean up all the sprinkles and I drop the freaking cap on the ground almost under the car.  I seriously don’t have time for this and I can feel my blood rising into my face.  WOOOSSAAHHH, Krysta, you’re so close to home, the ball’s in mid field, you will DEFINITELY make it to home plate.

Throw the kid back in the car, head to school, hand over the cake… I am relinquished of that responsibility now… and give kisses goodbye.  Halleujah, I slide around the plate, barely sweeping my fingers on the base, close but enough for the home run… I am free.  Free for the next 4 hours.  Well actually 2.5 because I have work meetings, but still free to go get some coffee, decompress and renew my patience.

Not every single morning is rainbows and sunshine people.  Most days are great.  But some days I want to rip my hair out.  Today was one of them.  This too shall pass. And at noon, I will gladly go to the school, scoop my big/ little girl into my arms, ask her how her day was and kiss her until I turn blue in the face.  It’s about breathing, accepting the bad moments, embracing the good and pushing forward to the new.

And it helps to remember that children are really just tiny, little, crazy midgets whose sole purpose is to make you go bat s*%t crazy… but they do it with love.  : )  True story.

At least the cake looks cool… pre frosting and sprinkles.

My Saving Grace: Mama Friends That Understand

WHEEWW! We have ALL been there. Burned out, stressed out, on the brink of losing our freaking minds and nowhere to turn. And then… just as you thought you were the last non zombie mom alive, actually believing that you could feel yourself going to the dark side… you get a text message from a fellow mama friend, saying she’s going to flip her s*%t and you break into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. That’s right everyone, MISERY DOES LOVE COMPANY! And on days when your toddler won’t stop saying no or throws her food on the ground or the laundry keeps piling up, it feels so much better to have friends who understand. Friends who WON’T JUDGE YOU! Friends who would totally get why you locked your kid in their room for 15 minutes so you could have a freaking hot shower by yourself for the first time in days. Not saying it’s happened, I’m saying they would get it. Don’t judge me.

And THANK GOD for these friends, in whatever form they come in. If you’re lucky enough to have family and friends close by to lean (cry) on, then power to you! Or maybe just a few around that truly get it. You don’t really need A LOT OF FRIENDS that understand… just enough to make it seem like we are actually all in this together, IT’S NOT JUST ME!

Trust me, a lot of my friends actually DO NOT GET IT. They are still single, or newly married, carefree (see last post : / ) and baby free. YES, they “understand it’s difficult” when my 2 year old daughter stays up until 1am because we’ve been traveling and her clock is askew. And it’s “totally normal” to get “frustrated” when Kennedy ONLY throws fits with me. Not her dad. Not her grandparents. Not her teachers. NO, THIS IS A SPECIAL GIFT FOR MOMMY! They mean well, but they really don’t get it.  How could they?

And I find myself siting there trying to explain that I REALLY DO LOVE BEING A MOM.  “OHH, of course you do sweetie.” Yea, right, they probably think I’m bat shit crazy. Poor Krysta isn’t handling motherhood very well, is she. Yea? Bite me.

Because even though these friends, and they truly are AMAZING friends, don’t get it, thankfully I have a few that do. AND THEY SINGLE HANDEDLY MAKE THE WORLD MAKE SENSE AGAIN. Being the oldest to one brother (who I hope doesn’t have any kids out there yet, just kidding Bran), I never had a sister growing up. But I’ve been blessed to have 2 great sister-in-laws through Abasi and 1 of the 2 is right here with me in this journey of being first time mamas. Niki gets me. I mean really gets me. Her son, my nephew and Kennedy’s best friend in the whole world, Kai, is 7 and half months older than Ken. And we live 2 miles from each other, here in Costa Rica. Can you believe my luck? That means I follow her parenting trajectory like no one’s business. Just when we think Kai has fallen out of a bad habit, Kennedy follows in his footsteps and BOOM it’s like dodging baby temper grenades all over again. When I’m at my lowest, I can call her and say “the little terrorist is going to make me punch myself in the face” and she just laughs. And I need her to laugh at me, because I need to laugh… at anything.

Going for a bike ride with Kai and Kennedy ❤

And then you have experiences with mommy friends that are so special and rare because distance doesn’t allow you to commiserate, laugh and share on the regular. But when they do, as was the case when my dear friend Alli and I got to drive 6 hours from Atlanta, GA to Destin, FL last September, you’re able to get it all out: the laughing, the crying, the frustrations, and the guilt free bragging. And so back and forth, 6 hours each way, we had our first real talk as mothers.  It may not happen often, but I relish it when it does.

Alli and I with little Benny and Kennedy ❤

And finally, because you are a mom, you start to meet NEW moms. Friends who you might never have met if it weren’t for your little ones going to daycare. And let’s be honest, a majority of these parents you will simply be cordial with at pick up and drop off times, before RUSHING HOME to savor your moments of freedom. Or clean the house, do the laundry, grocery shop… whatever, when there’s not a kid attached to your leg while doing it, even laundry seems fun. BUT sometimes, you will strike gold and find a really cool parent that is going through the same stuff, at the same time, and HEY what do you know? You both just dropped off your kid… did you say coffee?? You mean, go sit down in a café, drink a cappuccino and talk to an adult? YES PLEASE! And that’s how I feel about my friend, Zoee: mother to Amira and my newest and super awesome friend whom I simply adore laughing and talking with over a simple cup of coffee! Do we mean it when we call our children “Midget Monsters” whose only purpose is to wreak havoc on our lives and sanity? NO. But is it funny and amusing to be so outlandish? Damn skippy.

And there will be more. More friends will join the elite ranks of “love my child, but I’m gonna lose my cool” mamas. It’s all a part of it. For women and friends that don’t have kids yet, I DON’T BLAME YOU for not getting it… neither did I before Kennedy. And truth be told, I appreciate your honest attempt at making me feel better, but you would be appalled at some of the things I’d be willing to do for a hot shower by myself every once in a while. It’s probably better if we leave our war stories to ourselves and save your innocent and naïve souls.

And that my friends, is what saves my sanity, what warms my heart, what keeps me going when times get tough… my friends that understand. It can be extremely lonely when you are at your wit’s end. And honestly, at the end of a long day, the last thing you want is to complain to your significant other about “how rough it was today.” So, without some of their funny stories or comparable nightmares, I could quite honestly lose my mind. Niki, Alli, Zoee and more are all beautiful examples of exactly what I need and when I need it.

We all have one or two… or I hope you do… so go on and call up that friend the next time your angel takes off her diaper, pees on the floor and then plays in it. Or when you’ve been listening to your kid scream for 45 minutes straight. Or the next time that cutest little thing in the whole wide world, looks at you and says NO! for the 1000 time that day and you can actually envision yourself on a boat to no where, all by yourself, happiest you’ve ever been. Obviously, these are just moments in an otherwise awesome journey and experience. I would never want to be all by myself, without Kennedy in my life… for more than 2 weeks… err days, err hours. We’re human folks, and we need other people to remind us of that. So thank you to all the mama friends, mine especially, out there that continuously help one another out, reel in the crazy, swap stories and remind us that “this too shall pass.” Preferably over margaritas. Just saying.

What was your “on the brink moment” when you needed some serious sanity saving? Can you look back at laugh at it now?  Feel free to share below… remember it’s funny when it happens to someone else!

Niki and I with Kai and Kennedy at the beach in Punta Uva.

Super Moms by day… Super Women by night…

Birthdays After Babies: From Sexy and Spontaneous to Scheduled and Simple

A homemade birthday card, Saturday Fresh Market shopping, coffee on the beach before some serious wave action, breakfast for lunch accompanied by margaritas and I would say Abasi’s birthday was off to a kickin’ start. Some R & R at the house before the night got started and then it was dinner with close friends at a beautiful Italian restaurant, cocktails at… well our bar… followed by an incredible fire show and a group of almost 100 friends and guests singing HAPPY BIRTHDAY in an incredibly off key and awesome way! And because nothing is quite normal in Puerto Viejo, Abasi’s “final” candle he had to blow out was a fire dancer’s torch. And the icing on the cake, pardon my pun, was we had a babysitter until 1am! Holy cow, we were finally out… as adults… partying and dancing with friends! It was truly a great day and we are so blessed for the people in our lives.

 

Yet, I couldn’t help but to think back to previous birthdays of ours… in our younger and carefree days if you will and laugh at how different it is from now. WE WENT TO SPAIN for one of my birthdays for Pete’s sake. Abasi’s birthday 3 years ago was spent in a shotty motel room on our trek to Costa Rica. After spending the day lost, we checked into the only motel we could find, our tail between our legs and settled on a beautiful birthday dinner of pistachios and tequila. If you want to read the whole story from that day, you can check out a past blog, http://followtheparrot.blogspot.com/2011/11/birthday-to-remember.html. It’s sure to keep you entertained.

But I digress. My point is we used to be movers and shakers, hotshots doing whatever, whenever. Bar hopping, big bucks spent on birthday dinners, leather jackets, expensive purses, casino boat cruises… man we went all out! I would wear my sexiest high heels all night long. And I mean, ALL NIGHT… like into the morning. We would party until the sun came up! Wake up to a house full of half drank beer bottles and completely drained vodka bottles. Birthday loving? Of course! Whenever, wherever. (Sorry parents, but let’s be honest.)

Fast forward to the present and I’m exhausted writing that last paragraph. NO NO NO, we need to know WHERE we’re going so I can make reservations, WHEN we’re going to plan the babysitter and damnit I’m wearing sandals! I woke up this morning, to the house clean and those 2 bottles of Leffe that we WERE DEFINITELY GOING TO DRINK unopened and sitting in the fridge. And holy cow… birthday sex? Can we pencil it in the DAY BEFORE your birthday to make sure we don’t forget or fall asleep first? It still counts right?

Why I Let My Daughter Paint My Nails the UGLIEST Shade of Yellow in the Whole Wide World…

MY. GOD. If you could see my fingernails in person, you would think I have some rare disease. I mean honestly, it looks like my nails have jaundice. What a God-awful color to even produce, let alone wear.

So then why am I wearing it?

Well, because my little girl wanted me too. And she wanted to be the one to put it on. And because right now, at the age she is, why would I ever make a big deal about what color my nails are, if SHE THINKS IT’S PERFECT.

But it also gave us time to learn. She (and I) had to practice patience in our movements with the brush. And attention to detail. And hand stability. And even MORE patience, as we had to wait for the first coat… and yes, that is actually more than one coat… to dry.

And so ultimately, it went down like this:

She held up the bottle and said “you?”

And I asked, “Uumm… are you sure? Is there another color you like?”

“No Mama!”

In my head: DAMNIT! To her: “Well, what color is that then?”

“Yelwoow”

In my head: DAMNIT! To her: “It certainly is, go ahead Kennedy,”

So for the next 20 minutes, I helped her to guide the brush, up and down, and across and over and a few other directions nail polish isn’t supposed to go, but eventually it was done. And Kennedy was happier than a pig in you know what. And that made it worth it.

And now, I am wearing the most hideous yellow on my nails for the whole world to see, because my 2 year old did it. And she was proud of it. And I was proud of her. What is the point of wasting an opportunity to learn, share and make memories with your child just because you may… and I do… look silly wearing it? I would walk around in a brown paper bag if Kennedy decorated it and was proud enough of it to ask me to wear it.

IT’S WHAT BEING A PARENT IS ALL ABOUT! If we didn’t have these kinds of moments, then the other stressful moments would seem endless. It is the beauty in the simplicity of happiness that a child has that we can not only enjoy with them, but learn from. Don’t let a mess get in the way of some fun! Literally, get your hands dirty and finger paint with your little ones. Dress up and have a tea party! The only person in the world that matters is sharing that cup with you and at that very moment, she thinks you are the coolest person in the universe.

So, again, why did I let my daughter paint my nails the ugliest shade of yellow??? Because what I am learning more than anything about parenthood is that aside from it being joyous and exciting and stressful and crazy and mind-blowing, is that in the end… it’s really just FLEETING. One day I will turn around and Kennedy won’t care what color my nails are, let alone want to paint them for me. The moments and opportunities for memories and experiences are dwindling every day as our children grow.   And I for one, will try to reach out and capture every one of those. With my yellow nailed hands. ; )

Our toes in the sand at Kennedy’s 2nd birthday party.

Our toes in the sand at Kennedy’s 1st birthday party. 1st time having her toes painted! ❤

Life Unplanned: 3 Years of Unexpected Bliss

She stares at me from the living room floor and smiles. Lying on the ground in her diaper, watching morning cartoons, pancakes only crumbs now and my coffee needing to be refilled, Kennedy and I have our morning routine down pat. Every morning I wait for the “MAMA??” before I go and open her door to her big girl room. Rushing out and into my arms, I ask… “Did you sleep well?” “Yes mama.” “Did you dream??” “Yes, Mama!” I then proceed to ask her if she dreamt of the most ridiculous and whimsical things, and always am confirmed with a solid, YES! She did in fact dream of these things that I conjured up. Like I said, routine down pat.

And with the 3-year anniversary of our epic road trip/ move to Costa Rica, I find myself in awe at how different life actually is from what we were expecting back then. Freshly engaged and high on the idea of driving through Central America with our 2 dogs, Bentley and Gemini, we couldn’t even fathom the life of bottles, diapers, day care, butt rashes and so forth. Abasi and I were pumped to go run our bar with our partners, party like there was no tomorrow and truly embrace living in another country. But what is it that they say… Life is what happens when you start making plans?

Well, I for one would like to thank life. We were wrong and you were SOO right.

It’s no secret that Kennedy is a perfectly unplanned blessing. I joke all the time about drinking tequila and wishing something into the wind, as I did when I told my sister-in-law, Niki, that I hoped our kids wouldn’t be “too far apart in age” as she held her newborn son. Well, wish came true because I unbeknownst to me I was already pregnant. So again… DO NOT DRINK TEQUILA AND MAKE WISHES INTO THE WIND… unless you want life to get awesome and crazy, then do it now.

When I found out… At 3 MONTHS… that I was pregnant, I was shocked. Scared. Shocked. Sad. Happy. Shocked. You get the point. It wasn’t planned, it wasn’t the right time, we didn’t even have permanent housing yet. But we figured it out. Because we had too, and sometimes you need that little shove in the right direction.

As I would find out, our true destiny in moving to Puerto Viejo was not to run a bar but to become parents. I truly believe with every fiber of my being that I was meant to become a mom here. Kennedy was meant to be born here and start our adventure. Without a doubt. I had the easiest, healthiest pregnancy. I ate delicious, fresh fruits and walked or rode my bike everywhere. I felt great pregnant. And to top it off, I had the easiest, calmest delivery known to man. Start to finish, 45 minutes… I mean C’MON!!! What else could I have asked for? But that was all just the beginning, and now we’re on this adventure that I never expected but could never, and mean never, comprehend not having.

Raising Kennedy in Costa Rica, with her best friend and older-by-7-months cousin Kai, is beautiful to watch because it’s so different than the normal experiences I hear about.  I’m humbled watching her grow because I know I never would have chosen this for her, yet thankfully something divine knew the direction our life would take and give this to her anyway. As I type this, I am asking her to go watch TV or play with her toys so I can concentrate, but she is insisting we go outside instead. And yesterday she wanted to go surfing. Who is this kid, and how did we get so lucky? She eats exotic foods and flavors, speaks Spanish and English, craves the ocean, sings her heart out and prefers climbing “like a mono (monkey)” then playing with toys. She rides a stick horse around, clicking her tongue to mimic the sound of hooves. Growing up in Costa Rica has brought out the most organic parts of being a kid and she isn’t overwhelmed or over-stimulated by toys, lights, beeping, etc. And trust me, I ain’t judging any other way, because like I’ve said… this was never our plan, just our destiny.

And while Kennedy is the main diversion from our original plans, other things have come and gone in 3 years that we never foresaw. For starters, we have lived in 5… yes FIVE… different houses in 3 years. Finally, we are in a home that we know we have long term, but the continuous stress of moving a family with a baby and 2 dogs, the uncertainty of having a living arrangement to fit our needs, was never on our radar back then. The feeling of not being rooted was at times overwhelming and induced bouts of homesickness. It was rough, but it tested our faith and our relationship, and each time we made it out on the other side. And maybe coincidentally or maybe as a divine reward, each time the house was that much better for our family.

As for family, one of the bigger surprises was having my brother Brandon move with us almost a year ago. Brandon knew he needed a change, we wanted Brandon to experience new things and thankfully everyone was prepared for the adjustment. It has been one hell of an experience, reuniting with my brother after not having lived near each other for almost 9 years. There have definitely been ups and downs and obstacles to understanding each other, but we’re finally starting to get the hang of the whole brother-sister friendship thing and I have to say… I don’t hate it.

         

Clearly, not all changes have been for the better. Losing Gemini last week was devastating. I felt like I had lost a life long friend because even though she was “only a dog” she was 1 of 4 breathing souls that understood our journey to here. And now she’s gone and though she was getting older, I really truly never expected to bury her here. But again, literally as I type I realize, maybe that is for the better. We won’t always live in Puerto Viejo. There will be a day when we move on, but a part of our hearts and our family will always be here. And we buried her in a remote beach area with a coconut and the hopes that a tree will sprout through the burial site and she can be a part of the continuous circle of life. Gemini will always be here, so we will always be here, in one way or another.

 

And there it is. 3 years of twists and turns. Ups and downs. Uncertainty and growth, changes and surprises. I had no idea when we finally pulled out of our drive way in South Carolina to begin our trek, that it would lead us to this point in life. To parenthood, to losing Gemini, to gaining a friendship with my brother. For every diaper I didn’t expect to change, I gained a kiss from my daughter. And for every shot of tequila I can’t take late night at the bar, I gained an “I love you Mama.” Life happened. We adapted. We grew. We found real love.

Life happened exactly how we didn’t expect it to… and we gained a family. I couldn’t have planned it better myself.

The Perfect Moment to Share…

As a mom, and a young mom, I always want life to seem perfect.  I know this is unrealistic, but still I want to dress my daughter in the cutest outfits and rocking a perfect fro. I want to seem as if I am 2 steps ahead and with every hair in its pretty little place. Frustrated? Me? NEVER! Losing control? Get real! And need proof, that life is just as it should be, well then take a look at my Instagram account. The perfect sunset behind my handsome and buff man, kids playing perfectly in the water, dinner that is worthy of the cover of a cooking magazine? Of course, I want to portray control and beauty. Of course, I only show the real world my semi-real world. Would you show a picture of your 3 loads of CLEAN laundry heaped on the floor? Or of that burnt chicken that not even your dog would eat? How about a picture of your 2 year old throwing a tantrum on the floor and you sitting on the couch, dazed and about to lose it? Didn’t think so.

I do seem to live a pretty perfect life. I have a sexy fiancée, a beautiful and healthy daughter, a thriving business and we live in Costa Rica for goodness sake! And don’t get me wrong… life is good, but there are always thoughts about the “grass being greener on the other side.” And after going back and forth with it, feeling guilty about everyone constantly saying “Your life seems so perfect!” “I wish I had your life,” blah blah blah, I realized WHO CARES?! I realized it’s OK if I show the perfect moments in a not perfect world. Do I look ready to take on the world every day, strong, confident and beaming? No! A lot of days I’m in yoga pants with no bra on until late afternoon and only after walking past myself in the mirror 20+ times do I finally get my arse in gear. That’s when I would snap that perfect shot! And if you think my beautiful little girl, who takes the most absolute perfect pictures, simply stares off into the sunset like that… well then you’re only kidding yourself. I had to take 18,000 pictures to get that one, and her look of deep thinking is more of a purposely-not-looking-at-mom look. And damn if I didn’t make a beautiful looking eggplant parm the other night, but I bet you couldn’t tell from the pictures that my pasta was… and I apologize to my mother for this… UNDERCOOKED! But it looked good right? Bet your arse it did.

The way I choose to look at it is this: Life is not perfect. Things happen in the blink of an eye, life changes, you burn the chicken and your kid poops on the ground. So when I post a picture of my little girl gazing out into the water, small smile on her face, with the perfect filter on the photo to capture the moment and someone says “Wow, you really are living the life,” I smile, guilt free and think… yes, at that very moment I was. And even if the next moment is Kennedy sprawled out on the sand, kicking and screaming because we’re leaving the beach, then just for that one moment it was perfect. And there will be more. And maybe, just maybe, Instagram DOES depict life as it truly is. Just little snapshots of perfection in a crazy world. And when that next moment happens, I promise to show you.   With a perfect filter to fit that perfect moment. You can count on it.

 

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