Embracing the Evolution of (Our) True Love

I’ll admit it, I’m a sappy, firework wanting, romantic at heart.  I use to think there would actually be days when I would find my Prince Charming and birds would sing, people would dance and we might actually float off the ground.  Cute, right?

Well, thankfully, I DID find my Prince Charming when I fell in love with my best friend 8+ years ago.  No, no one sang and danced… well he did, he was in a band after all… but there were sparks.  BIG TIME! We were THE COUPLE that everyone wanted to be; We were best friends that fell in love.

Fast forward through 8 years of traveling, laughing, great friendships, tough decisions, international moving, big fights, stupid fights, owning a business, a baby and more and the spark that once dazzled has mellowed out, leaving us a bit… well, flat at times.

Truth be told, I even freaked out a bit.  I thought we were losing it… losing us.  I thought that without the spark, the romance and the constant love-proving moments that we were heading towards an inevitable demise.

And then I realized the truth.

I realized that true love evolves from butterflies, “the brand new” feeling and that spark into comfort, longevity and trust.  I realized that…

True love is him always leaving me the end of his coffee because I like it.
True love is overcoming the fear and surprise of a perfectly, unplanned pregnancy.
True love is him holding me without words when we found out my mom was in the hospital.
True love is holding him through a cancer diagnosis for his mom.
True love is crawling into bed with our daughter after a night at work and feeling the braid her Daddy put in her hair after her shower.
True love is crying together as we dig a hole to bury our dog that just passed.
True love is binge watching TV shows late into the night.
True love is sitting together, hand feeding our other sick dog.
True love is laughing… a lot.
True love is holding hands in bed after a tough fight.
True love is that different spark we get when we’re having a “perfect family moment.”
True love is tickle fights in bed with our daughter.
True love is looking one another in the eye and fighting to make it work.
True love is hard, it is work and it is not for everyone.
True love… for us… is knowing that through it ALL we will have each other’s backs.

True love, at the end of the day, is different for everyone.  True love for us, means getting through the hard parts together.  No, it will not always be sunshine and smiles, flowers and fun, but I am honored to have found someone that I feel it is worth fighting for and with.  I am finally starting to realize that the  fireworks are always special to watch, but it’s who you watch them with that makes them magical.

To my best friend, father of my daughter, future husband and partner through it all, I celebrate us… and our evolution of true love. ❤

 

4 Dates as a Mama That Are Better Than Any First Date in the World

When you’re young and looking to fall in love, or maybe just looking to have some fun, dating seems like the biggest highlight of your fledging social life.  First dates, with all the butterflies, awkward moments and possible first kisses are magical in their own right, but what would you say if I told you it gets even better?  What if I told you I’ve discovered 4 dates in my adulthood… and specifically as a mom… that blow the best first date I’ve ever had out of the water?

The “Let’s Escape and Remember We’re Humans That Love Each Other Date”

To be fair, I have actually had a first date with this person- and it was pretty amazing.  BUT as exceptional as that date was, over sushi and loads of sake, I’m talking about a rendezvous even more special, more intimate… and one that rarely ever happens.  I’m talking about the elusive date with my fiancé.  That magical moment when we actually have a babysitter and can sneak away for a few hours to simply enjoy being adults together.  Yes, we love our daughter, but we also love one another and certainly do not get enough time to just let loose and share a few laughs, catch a movie or a plate of really delicious, salty parmesan and prosciutto.  When we enjoy each other more, we not only enjoy our family more, but we handle the bumps and bruises of parenting better together too.

The “You Save My Soul and Keep Me Sane Date”

Coffee? Check. Laughing? Check. Girlfriends? Check Check.  Mastering the art of the girlfriend date has been by far one of my biggest accomplishments and sanity savers.  Never in my life did I expect to find such raw happiness in laughing and talking… mixed with a bit of bitching… with my girlfriends over a good cup of hot coffee!  Nothing is off limits, from toddler tantrums to awkward gynecologist visits to the latest dumb fight with our spouses.  Girlfriends are the soul sisters sent to us to let us know we’re NOT ALONE (or crazy!)  No matter if it’s a quick cup of Joe, a long night with an endless supply of wine or anything in between, I relish the time to soak up all the support and love with my BFFs.

The “Embracing Every Moment of Our Legacy Date”

If you’re blessed enough to still have the opportunity for date #3, I suggest you get on it and savor every moment you can.  Opportunities to share time with my adult parents is by far one of the most treasured experiences in life.  Everything from learning little secrets I didn’t realize as a child to discovering more of who I am through the tales of my parents to their NOW WISE advice is something to behold.  Simply shopping (power walking and bargain buying) with my Mom or sitting on the back deck, sipping a martini with my Dad, time always seems to simultaneously stop and pass in the blink of an eye.  For a moment, I am transfixed- embracing this person whom I know will not always be around- trying my best to soak up every memory, piece of invaluable knowledge or family secret before the hustle and bustle of life starts again.  Though I vividly remember with joy my “Daddy Daughter Dates” as a child, watching vampire movies and eating large bowls of pasta, I still wouldn’t trade any of my adult conversations with my parents for the world.  I hold every nanosecond deep inside my heart to pull from, when inevitably one day, they are no longer around to guide me.

The “Little Toes, Big Smiles, Perfect Moments and Endless Love Date”

Finally, this brings us to the date of all dates.  The very MOMENT I realized I wanted life to literally stand still.  The moment I thought to myself “this is exactly how every true love should feel.”  That exact moment I looked at my daughter, lying in our bed with a big bowl of popcorn practically hiding her face, watching a movie and laughing.  Just the two of us in our pajamas, our hair messy from a day of play- date night with my daughter has turned out to be the most rewarding event of my life.  No wining and dining, flowers, first date sparks or butterflies can compare to the simplicity of true love between us.  It is in the very moment that we start singing or dancing to any number of Disney movies, that I know this… this moment right here… is my favorite date of all.  On any given day, my hundredth kiss from my daughter is still more special and cherished than any first kiss on any first date in the world.

Mornings I Want to SCREEAMM!!!

Oh hello 6:30am… is it time to wake up, because I could’ve sworn I just closed my eyes barely before my head hitting the pillow.

But no, it has to be time to get up, because I hear Kennedy pounding on her door, yelling “MAAAMMMAA!!”  Opening the door, I am greeted by the newest fashion trend Kennedy is flaunting… full on nudity, convinced she must take off her own diaper behind the door every morning.  And it is definitely morning, because the sun is up from its sleep as well and the monkeys, yes monkeys, are howling and grunting high above our heads.  Yes… it is definitely morning in Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica for this Jungle Princess and her mama.

But unlike normal mornings, coffee in hand and cartoons on the TV, we don’t have time today to adjust to the new day before heading to school.  No, today we must finish the cake for Kennedy’s class party, which means running out to town before 8am.  Hurry, hurry, hurry, we have to get out the door my little love.

Hardly.  My beautiful child, who can rock an easy disposition like no ones business is having none of it today.  Incessant whining every time I put her down, needing to be held, then yelling NO! as if to say “HOW DARE YOU PICK ME UP!”  This tiny little maniac is sending signals all over the place and all the whining is already fine tuning my must-get-coffee-now-headache.  God bless my soul, even her rare moments of happiness induced singing are driving me crazy this morning. Pushing through the fits and  trying my damnedest to keep calm, I turn her attention to getting dressed because today, I remind her, is a party at school!  My efforts seem not to be in vain but she quickly remembers she has recently mastered her colors- thank God because I swear I thought she was color blind. However, Hell hath no fury like a toddler that knows her colors.  “GGGWWEEEENNNN PANNNTSSSS!!!”  Dear God, please Krysta… find the green pants, I beg of myself.  And as if taunting me, I peer through her bedroom window to see her green pants hanging on the line, dripping wet from last night’s (and the night before that and the night before that and, well you get it…) rain.  Well that sucks.

I try to steer her attention to a “yellow-green” shirt, to no avail.  Thankfully, after another bout of fits and crying, she decides red is ok to wear and like a gift given from God himself, there are a pair of red pants sitting as a sacrifice atop the pile.  Remember to say an extra thank you later, I remind myself.

Fast forwarding through more huffs and puffs, the wanting the banana then not wanting the banana, NEEDING to wear her blue shoes (what do I care if it doesn’t match and we can get it done without tears), and again with the needing to be held… carried actually to the car.  It feels like I’m rounding third, on my way to home plate, just a quick stop at the store and we are at school… I can practically smell the coffee percolating in my kitchen.

BUT NO, duh.  The mental prepping I had done last night is all awash.  The candy I had envisioned on the cake is out of stock and the other candies aren’t going to cut it.  Think fast, move on Krysta.  At this point, Kennedy has already stared wide eyed at the candy display, holding onto the promise she could have “only one.”  With the time restraint and lack of suitable candy, I make what I know to be an unwise move and leave the store, sans candy.  Insert waterworks —->> here.  More like fireworks with tears, as she screams and thrashes all the way to the car.  A local surfer I pass says “you look nervous,” and though I think the term got lost in a language translation, I know what he means and blurt out “I JUST NEED TO FINISH A CAKE!!!”

I run to the only other store open at this hour and settle on rainbow sprinkles… no not Jimmies to all my South Jersey friends… these are the tiny little ball sprinkles.  It is lack luster but it will have to suffice.  Kennedy at this point has refocused her energies and compromises on a juice.  Easy.  Buy it and run to the car, open the sprinkles and again my Murphy’s Law of a morning continues.  SPRINKLES EVERYWHERE.  EVERYWHERE.  Clean up all the sprinkles and I drop the freaking cap on the ground almost under the car.  I seriously don’t have time for this and I can feel my blood rising into my face.  WOOOSSAAHHH, Krysta, you’re so close to home, the ball’s in mid field, you will DEFINITELY make it to home plate.

Throw the kid back in the car, head to school, hand over the cake… I am relinquished of that responsibility now… and give kisses goodbye.  Halleujah, I slide around the plate, barely sweeping my fingers on the base, close but enough for the home run… I am free.  Free for the next 4 hours.  Well actually 2.5 because I have work meetings, but still free to go get some coffee, decompress and renew my patience.

Not every single morning is rainbows and sunshine people.  Most days are great.  But some days I want to rip my hair out.  Today was one of them.  This too shall pass. And at noon, I will gladly go to the school, scoop my big/ little girl into my arms, ask her how her day was and kiss her until I turn blue in the face.  It’s about breathing, accepting the bad moments, embracing the good and pushing forward to the new.

And it helps to remember that children are really just tiny, little, crazy midgets whose sole purpose is to make you go bat s*%t crazy… but they do it with love.  : )  True story.

At least the cake looks cool… pre frosting and sprinkles.

Keepin’ It Thankful…

Hidey ho amigos!  Hope everyone’s day is going super well.  It was really great to get the response that I did to my last post “Dear Kennedy, I Promise” and everyone that privately messaged me really touched me. So thank you for that. Since my last couple of posts have been preetttyyy llooonnggg, I decided to keep it short and sweet… to match my new haircut ; )

And because Thanksgiving is tomorrow, let’s keep talking about being thankful!  Somethings in life we KNOW we are thankful for, like for our health and that of our loved ones.  I recently read a post by another blogging mama (you should read her stuff… Mom Life Now ) I follow and in her last post, she painfully described the scene at their house while their son suffered through another seizure.  Pure nightmare.  Pure hell.  Pure agony.  In the end, he was fine, but I truly cannot put myself in her shoes and I THANK GOD FOR THIS.  Literally the day before reading her post, I was watching Kennedy as she was falling asleep for a nap and she began shaking her head almost in a yes nod, up and down, up and down.  It freaked me out.  She wasn’t convulsing, she wasn’t moving erratically, simply shaking her head “yes.”  HELL, it’s probably the only “yes” she has given me in the past year so I should’ve let her be, but I couldn’t.  Like I said, it freaked me out.  I assume she was dreaming, but nonetheless I woke her up.  Wake a sleeping toddler, crazy huh? The health, happiness and safety of my daughter is my most focused prayer every night.  I am thankful beyond measure for my own health, that of Abasi and all of our family and friends, and while we too are in my prayers every night, nothing compares to my desire for Kennedy to be healthy and safe.  So for that, more than anything in the world… I am blessed and thankful for.

But then there are things that you appreciate unconsciously and as I sat down to write today, I giggled at myself when I realized that outside of the BIG THING… I really appreciate some small, silly stuff.

Like free coffee at the local ferretería.  There’s nothing special about it, except that I know that when I go to our hardware store, I can score some free coffee and it makes me smile.  I LOVE COFFEE!

Like the fact that you can take a $1 mug and some markers and make a brand new mug for that coffee I love so much.  I also LOVE mugs.

HHOO loves mugs more than me? ; )

And small things like getting my haircut today.  2 hours to relax, chit chat with my girlfran and walk out feeling lighter and refreshed.  Today I did it big and cut my hair short, and I’m even thankful that I SIMPLY DON’T CARE if I take that risk because it is just going to grow back.  9 times out of 10… hair grows back. Cut it off.  Take a chance.  AHHH REFRESHING.

Nice face, huh? A bit apprehensive?

And then there are super cool things that you realize you didn’t know you would be thankful for, or even ever need.  Like writing.  I’ve always loved writing, but I never thought I would need to write.  NOW I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO WRITE. Because it helps me and because I think it’s helping some others too.  AND I NEED THAT.  I am thankful for all the people that pushed me to start a blog and the people that continuously comment, share, like, follow, friend, tweet, etc, etc because it makes me feel SO connected.  Recently, a friend gave me a book by Glennon Doyle Melton (who I am learning is AWESOME, you should check her out too at Momastery.com) to help support and inspire my writing.  She already knows how much I appreciate it, but again, GRACIAS Zoee!  In this book, Mrs. Melton says, “Reading is my inhale, writing is my exhale.”  That is so incredibly beautiful and true.  But the more I thought about it today I realized that for me, writing is my inhale, and YOU… all the people reading this blog and supporting me… are my exhale.  Publishing a new post for me is like holding my breath… waiting for that first comment or like.  A bit narcissistic I know, but it’s more because I want so badly to touch a place in people’s hearts and souls.  I am so grateful FOR YOU GUYS, for giving me a reason to sit down and truly enjoy writing.  Wanting to write.  It helps me deal with life, it calms me down and every time I get a private message saying “THANK YOU, I NEEDED THAT POST TODAY,” I blush with pride.  I am truly honored to be able to express some things that others are feeling also.  SO THANK YOU… ALL OF YOU.

That is it.  Kennedy is napping, I’m gonna watch some boob tube and tomorrow is Thanksgiving Feast time with lots of great people AND GREAT FOOTBALL!  I can’t wait to start baking my Pumpkin Cheesecake and various other recipes I’ve been dying to try.

Have a great day tomorrow, appreciate the small and big things in life and love freely : )