10 Truths About Friendships That Kids Can Teach Adults

My mom always said you should never have to put more into a relationship than 60/40 to make it work. At times, you will be the 60 and at others, your friends will be the 60, but if a relationship… of any kind… becomes more giving than balancing, than it is probably not worth your energy in the long run. 10 years ago that made sense and it still rings true today. Friendships, especially as adults with families, careers, making ends meet, yada yada yada are hard to maintain, let alone keep. True friends, of course, get that your friendship will ebb and flow, moving with the current in life, but always in the right direction. But still, at the end of the day, friendships though important and sacred, can be down right exhausting.

Until that is, I started watching… not keeping my eye on… but REALLY watching my daughter’s interactions with her friends. Slowly but surely I began to see a pattern- a simple approach to friendship. An innocent, honest, raw and EASY happiness in the children, both on their faces and in their actions. Day after day, I think about all of the “things” we need to teach our children: manners, ABC’s, numbers, etc… but the more I am surrounded by these tiny, beautiful, wacky people, the more I realize I am learning from them.

Here are 10 truths that I was reminded of by watching my daughter and her tiny people posse:

Friends Come in ALL Shapes, Colors and Sizes

Living in a town as culturally diverse as Puerto Viejo, we often find ourselves rubbing elbows with parents and children from around the world.  Just in my daughter’s class alone there are kids from Switzerland, France, America, Canada, Italy and of course Costa Rica.  To them, they are just kids; some with brown hair, some with blonde, some with dark skin, some with light skin.  Age, race, shape and more doesn’t even come into play (pun intended) when these kids get together.  Adults should learn to look through a kaleidoscope-esque lens more often, seeing people for WHO they are, not what they are or where they come from.  Adults could benefit incredibly by the innocent acceptance of people that children so beautifully and easily possess.

Find Someone You Can Be Yourself With

One of the most important things about having friends is the opportunity to just be yourself.  A true treasure in life is finding that person or group of people who allow you to be exactly who you are without hesitation.  Find someone, in every relationship you enter, that loves you for you and not someone they WANT you to be.

Find Someone You Can Be Silly With

Hopefully, you have a circle of friends like this, but if not, I sincerely hope you start making some. Happiness comes in spades when you are surrounded by people who enjoy being silly and letting loose.  Watch children who spin in circles together just to fall down and laugh and you’ll see the allure… having fun + not caring who’s watching = pure joy.

Sharing is Caring

This may seem rudimentary and we all know kids have a hard time with this one too.  It’s ONCE THEY GET IT, that the wheels start turning and they actually enjoy sharing.  Now, my daughter and nephew try to pass their harmonicas back and forth more than you’d probably like to imagine.  I don’t expect you to start sharing your tooth brush with anyone, and granted you never did get that DVD back the last time you let a friend “borrow” it, but sharing comes in all forms.  Have a friend taking a new class? Lend her your book.  Have a new mom in the group? “Share” with her some of your first time mommy thoughts in a card or a journal, written specifically for her to pull on in tough times.  Is your friend meeting her boyfriend’s parents for the first time?  Share a sure fire, crowd pleaser recipe that you know will knock their socks off.  Sharing is more than giving an object to a friend, but the concept still remains so simple.

Imitation is Truly the Best Form of Flattery

Despite the age old adage, imitation can be rather frustrating.  Doctors say that toddlers imitate other children as a way to feel connected socially, while simultaneously beginning to introduce the notion of empathy.  In many ways, adults who mimic their friends are also only trying to “be a part of something” and imitate because they admire or enjoy the positive experiences associated with what it is that you’re doing.  Take it for what it is and appreciate the flattery.  If someone wants to mimic you, then truly give them something worth mimicking; you could sign up for a 5k or volunteer your time with charities, suggesting to your friend to join along.

Fighting is Normal

Kids fight.  Adults fight.  Parents fight.  Siblings Fight.  It’s all a part of it.  If you’re fighting, then MORE THAN LIKELY it’s because you have something worth fighting for… your friendship.  If not, it would have been Wam Bam, Thank You Mam… I’m OUT!  Get over it and see below.

Making Up Doesn’t Have To Be So Dramatic

Ok, so you had a fight?  Figure out if there was a legitimate reason for it and address it.  If it was something petty, do like the kids do: kiss and make up.  Assuming it was nothing life altering, you really can just hug it out and move on.  No, seriously, you can.

Find Someone You Can Dance With

Watching my daughter twirling with her friends is not only exciting for her but melts my heart at the sincere happiness being shared in such a simplistic way.  2 little lives… or maybe 3 or 4 or 5… dancing and jumping and twirling together, just because it makes them happy.  Rhythm or not, I love jumping on their bandwagon and joining the fun.  You truly can’t be down if you are grooving to some tunes, especially with your BFFs.

At The End of The Day, Sometimes You Just Have to BE THERE

Having friends to do things with, dance with or be silly with is great, but sometimes you just need someone to be there with.  No talking, no explaining, just being.  In these moments of silence and support, you find your true soul savers… the ones that are there for you, when there’s nothing to do but be.  Easier said than done, but the ones that can do this are irreplaceable.

It’s Okay To Need Time For Yourself

And finally, perhaps the best thing we can all learn from children is that it is perfectly fine to need some time to ourselves.  It is both scary and satisfying learning to be OK on your own… to know you don’t need someone around to make you complete.  When we finally come to this realization, we are on our way to being a better friend to others… and ourselves.

Letting the Little Things Get You Through…

Today has been draining.

On top of numerous things forever circulating inside my brain about my family, my business and life in general, I have been feeling especially disconnected to… something.  I will admit it, I have been feeling kind of lost lately.  It’s not as if I don’t have a purpose… I’m a mother for God’s sake, I will ALWAYS have a purpose. I suppose it is just a rut, and I’m ok with that, because I’m strong enough to pull myself out of a rut.  And IF I’m not, I know I have people surrounding me that are waiting in the wings to lift me out.

But on top of just feeling  “blah” today, our dog Bentley hasn’t been eating and thankfully Abasi noticed 2 large lumps on his throat quick enough that we were able to take action.  Just walking into the vet’s office I cried at the sadly familiar surroundings.  Hopefully, we caught what we now know to be Tick Fever in time, because I simply cannot lose Bentley.  Preferably not ever, but knowing that that is impossible, I beg God not to let us lose him a mere 2 months after losing his mother, Gemini.

So, like I said, today has been draining.

But, with that being said, today I sang, I’ve smiled, and at a certain point I even laughed.  It is at moments when we feel the lowest that we sometimes, or at least I do, notice the highs of life caused by the smallest of things.

First I drove down a highway by myself… and fast.  NOT DANGEROUSLY FAST, but faster than the small roads in  Puerto Viejo allow for, but I wasn’t in Puerto Viejo anymore so I let it rip!  There is something in this world about driving with a purpose, sun and wind on my face, music blasting and singing out loud that makes my heart flutter and my spirits soar.  And so, despite it all, I sang.

Then I indulged in milk and cookies.  Hell yea, I did.  And I might have more later because I wanted to and because it made me feel comfort when I needed it.  Do I eat cookies every day?  No, I am conscious of what I put into my body, but I’ll be damned if I deprive myself a simple avenue towards feeling better.  Take what you can get when you get it.  And so, despite it all, I smiled.

And finally, I surrounded myself with my biggest high in life of them all… my kids.  Techinically I only have one, but my nephew Makai is such a beautiful part of my life that I love him like my own.  Kennedy and Kai are an extension of one another in every gorgeous way and being around them together is better than any prescription in the world.  I picked them up from school and drove slowly through the back roads listening to their conversations in Spanish and in English about butterflies, birds and how their daddies were taking their Auntie Cecily back to the airport today.  When I asked what they ate at school, they replied in unison “RICE AND BEANS” which for whatever reason cracked me up.  The energy, youth, love and humor that these two children possess individually and especially together is invigorating.  And so, despite it all, I laughed… a lot.

The Best “Happy Pill” in the WORLD: Being Around These Two Together ❤

My point is this: life for the most part is beautiful and on most days I have an insatiable appetite for it.  However, certain days can seem down right tough, tough, tough.  There are always curveballs to handle, unexpected expenses to pay, hurdles to get over, but enjoying the little things eases so much of that tension.  It won’t be the same thing for everyone, but whatever it is, use it, embrace it, enjoy it.  Mine just happens to be singing loudly and poorly, cookies and child Spanglish banter… and because of it, despite it all today, I sang, I smiled and I laughed.

  What are your stress relievers?  Go to happy makers?  Let’s hear it!

Dear Kennedy, I Promise…

Dear Kennedy:

If on some days I seem impatient, I apologize for not taking the time to relax with you,
I probably spent the night up worrying about how to protect you forever.

If on some days I seem distant, I promise I am always by your side.
I have a thousand thoughts a day, but you are the center of them all.

If on some days you have more energy than I can muster, I promise to still get up and dance.
Even if for just a song or two, I will never say no to the chance to spin with you.

If on some days you seem hell-bent on doing something by yourself,
I promise to let you try, but always be within reach to catch you if you fall.

If on some days I seem to need a “time out” for myself, I promise to make it quick.
3 minutes by myself to breathe and refresh to continue trying to being the best mommy I can be.

If someday you fall and hurt yourself,
I promise to kiss your boo-boos and help you heal, even if only through my prayers.

If someday, no matter your age, you are sick,
I promise to give you homemade soup, endless cuddling and cookies of your choice.

If someday in the future, you feel bullied at school and your feelings are hurt,
I promise to hold you, to listen to you and to help you understand what is going on.

If someday in the future, I find out you are doing the bullying,
I promise still to hold you, to listen to you and to help you understand how you are hurting someone else.

If someday in the future you cannot solve a problem,
I promise not to solve it for you, but help you get to an answer.

If someday in the future, you feel like you cannot accomplish something,
I promise to show you your strength and how anything is possible if you work at it.

If someday in the future, I feel you are making poor decisions,
I promise to gently guide you without ever truly changing your direction, for that is for you to do.

If someday in the future you rebel and disobey,
I promise still to love you and trust you learn from your choices.

If someday in the future, you feel I simply don’t understand,
I promise I probably do not, but I will work to listen to the words you say instead of just hearing you.

If someday in the future a boy breaks your heart,
I promise to sit you down, wipe your tears and explain the difference between a boy and a man.

If someday in the future you are betrayed by a friend,
I promise to show you strong examples of friendship that I have created with the people who love you most, as my mother showed me in her bonds with the people that surrounded me.

If someday in the future you question yourself,
I promise to sit you down, as my father did with me, and explain exactly who you are, where you came from and how strong your roots are.

If someday in the future you feel scared,
I promise to protect you.

If someday in the future you feel the need to travel,
I promise to give you a journal and a map and send you on your way.

If someday in the future you feel lost,
I promise to pray for and with you.

If someday in the future you fall in love,
I will trust that this person respects you, makes you laugh, honors you and holds you in the highest regard.

If someday in the future you fall in love,
I will trust that you will return this respect, humor, honor and hold your partner in the highest regard.

If someday in the future you choose to marry the love of your life,
I will trust that you came to this decision together in love and with God for guidance.

If someday in the future you become a mother,
I will weep at the understanding that you will finally know the love I have for you.

If someday in the future I am able to watch you love and learn with your children,
I will listen to your concerns, soothe your fears, and thank God for letting me witness the strength of my daughter as a mother.

If someday in the future I am not around,
I promise you I am, even if not physically.

If someday in the future you find yourself missing me,
I promise you will feel me at your weakest moments and pray you find strength from our memories.

If someday in the future I am gone for good,
Know that it is because of you that I ever was the woman you remember, the woman I became and the woman I worked every day to be. Without you I was nothing, with you I realized I could be anything and because of you I had everything.

Love You to the Moon, Around the Sun, and MORE Than All of the Stars in the Universe,

Mama

 

Birthdays After Babies: From Sexy and Spontaneous to Scheduled and Simple

A homemade birthday card, Saturday Fresh Market shopping, coffee on the beach before some serious wave action, breakfast for lunch accompanied by margaritas and I would say Abasi’s birthday was off to a kickin’ start. Some R & R at the house before the night got started and then it was dinner with close friends at a beautiful Italian restaurant, cocktails at… well our bar… followed by an incredible fire show and a group of almost 100 friends and guests singing HAPPY BIRTHDAY in an incredibly off key and awesome way! And because nothing is quite normal in Puerto Viejo, Abasi’s “final” candle he had to blow out was a fire dancer’s torch. And the icing on the cake, pardon my pun, was we had a babysitter until 1am! Holy cow, we were finally out… as adults… partying and dancing with friends! It was truly a great day and we are so blessed for the people in our lives.

 

Yet, I couldn’t help but to think back to previous birthdays of ours… in our younger and carefree days if you will and laugh at how different it is from now. WE WENT TO SPAIN for one of my birthdays for Pete’s sake. Abasi’s birthday 3 years ago was spent in a shotty motel room on our trek to Costa Rica. After spending the day lost, we checked into the only motel we could find, our tail between our legs and settled on a beautiful birthday dinner of pistachios and tequila. If you want to read the whole story from that day, you can check out a past blog, http://followtheparrot.blogspot.com/2011/11/birthday-to-remember.html. It’s sure to keep you entertained.

But I digress. My point is we used to be movers and shakers, hotshots doing whatever, whenever. Bar hopping, big bucks spent on birthday dinners, leather jackets, expensive purses, casino boat cruises… man we went all out! I would wear my sexiest high heels all night long. And I mean, ALL NIGHT… like into the morning. We would party until the sun came up! Wake up to a house full of half drank beer bottles and completely drained vodka bottles. Birthday loving? Of course! Whenever, wherever. (Sorry parents, but let’s be honest.)

Fast forward to the present and I’m exhausted writing that last paragraph. NO NO NO, we need to know WHERE we’re going so I can make reservations, WHEN we’re going to plan the babysitter and damnit I’m wearing sandals! I woke up this morning, to the house clean and those 2 bottles of Leffe that we WERE DEFINITELY GOING TO DRINK unopened and sitting in the fridge. And holy cow… birthday sex? Can we pencil it in the DAY BEFORE your birthday to make sure we don’t forget or fall asleep first? It still counts right?