10 Truths About Friendships That Kids Can Teach Adults

My mom always said you should never have to put more into a relationship than 60/40 to make it work. At times, you will be the 60 and at others, your friends will be the 60, but if a relationship… of any kind… becomes more giving than balancing, than it is probably not worth your energy in the long run. 10 years ago that made sense and it still rings true today. Friendships, especially as adults with families, careers, making ends meet, yada yada yada are hard to maintain, let alone keep. True friends, of course, get that your friendship will ebb and flow, moving with the current in life, but always in the right direction. But still, at the end of the day, friendships though important and sacred, can be down right exhausting.

Until that is, I started watching… not keeping my eye on… but REALLY watching my daughter’s interactions with her friends. Slowly but surely I began to see a pattern- a simple approach to friendship. An innocent, honest, raw and EASY happiness in the children, both on their faces and in their actions. Day after day, I think about all of the “things” we need to teach our children: manners, ABC’s, numbers, etc… but the more I am surrounded by these tiny, beautiful, wacky people, the more I realize I am learning from them.

Here are 10 truths that I was reminded of by watching my daughter and her tiny people posse:

Friends Come in ALL Shapes, Colors and Sizes

Living in a town as culturally diverse as Puerto Viejo, we often find ourselves rubbing elbows with parents and children from around the world.  Just in my daughter’s class alone there are kids from Switzerland, France, America, Canada, Italy and of course Costa Rica.  To them, they are just kids; some with brown hair, some with blonde, some with dark skin, some with light skin.  Age, race, shape and more doesn’t even come into play (pun intended) when these kids get together.  Adults should learn to look through a kaleidoscope-esque lens more often, seeing people for WHO they are, not what they are or where they come from.  Adults could benefit incredibly by the innocent acceptance of people that children so beautifully and easily possess.

Find Someone You Can Be Yourself With

One of the most important things about having friends is the opportunity to just be yourself.  A true treasure in life is finding that person or group of people who allow you to be exactly who you are without hesitation.  Find someone, in every relationship you enter, that loves you for you and not someone they WANT you to be.

Find Someone You Can Be Silly With

Hopefully, you have a circle of friends like this, but if not, I sincerely hope you start making some. Happiness comes in spades when you are surrounded by people who enjoy being silly and letting loose.  Watch children who spin in circles together just to fall down and laugh and you’ll see the allure… having fun + not caring who’s watching = pure joy.

Sharing is Caring

This may seem rudimentary and we all know kids have a hard time with this one too.  It’s ONCE THEY GET IT, that the wheels start turning and they actually enjoy sharing.  Now, my daughter and nephew try to pass their harmonicas back and forth more than you’d probably like to imagine.  I don’t expect you to start sharing your tooth brush with anyone, and granted you never did get that DVD back the last time you let a friend “borrow” it, but sharing comes in all forms.  Have a friend taking a new class? Lend her your book.  Have a new mom in the group? “Share” with her some of your first time mommy thoughts in a card or a journal, written specifically for her to pull on in tough times.  Is your friend meeting her boyfriend’s parents for the first time?  Share a sure fire, crowd pleaser recipe that you know will knock their socks off.  Sharing is more than giving an object to a friend, but the concept still remains so simple.

Imitation is Truly the Best Form of Flattery

Despite the age old adage, imitation can be rather frustrating.  Doctors say that toddlers imitate other children as a way to feel connected socially, while simultaneously beginning to introduce the notion of empathy.  In many ways, adults who mimic their friends are also only trying to “be a part of something” and imitate because they admire or enjoy the positive experiences associated with what it is that you’re doing.  Take it for what it is and appreciate the flattery.  If someone wants to mimic you, then truly give them something worth mimicking; you could sign up for a 5k or volunteer your time with charities, suggesting to your friend to join along.

Fighting is Normal

Kids fight.  Adults fight.  Parents fight.  Siblings Fight.  It’s all a part of it.  If you’re fighting, then MORE THAN LIKELY it’s because you have something worth fighting for… your friendship.  If not, it would have been Wam Bam, Thank You Mam… I’m OUT!  Get over it and see below.

Making Up Doesn’t Have To Be So Dramatic

Ok, so you had a fight?  Figure out if there was a legitimate reason for it and address it.  If it was something petty, do like the kids do: kiss and make up.  Assuming it was nothing life altering, you really can just hug it out and move on.  No, seriously, you can.

Find Someone You Can Dance With

Watching my daughter twirling with her friends is not only exciting for her but melts my heart at the sincere happiness being shared in such a simplistic way.  2 little lives… or maybe 3 or 4 or 5… dancing and jumping and twirling together, just because it makes them happy.  Rhythm or not, I love jumping on their bandwagon and joining the fun.  You truly can’t be down if you are grooving to some tunes, especially with your BFFs.

At The End of The Day, Sometimes You Just Have to BE THERE

Having friends to do things with, dance with or be silly with is great, but sometimes you just need someone to be there with.  No talking, no explaining, just being.  In these moments of silence and support, you find your true soul savers… the ones that are there for you, when there’s nothing to do but be.  Easier said than done, but the ones that can do this are irreplaceable.

It’s Okay To Need Time For Yourself

And finally, perhaps the best thing we can all learn from children is that it is perfectly fine to need some time to ourselves.  It is both scary and satisfying learning to be OK on your own… to know you don’t need someone around to make you complete.  When we finally come to this realization, we are on our way to being a better friend to others… and ourselves.

Secretly Teaching My Daughter to Embrace the Messy/ Beautiful in Life

The other day I had a typical proud MOM moment.  Like the many before this one, I stared at my daughter and thought YEP, she’s a genius!  Luckily for me, I usually get brought back down to reality quick enough that I don’t start calling news agencies and boasting that I have the next Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds in the making.  Yes, my daughter is smart, beautiful and creative but she’s probably not a super genius wiz kid. PROBABLY.

But on this morning I was “Momming” around the house… you know cleaning, picking up and organizing… when I picked up her coloring book to put away.  Flipping back to the front, I noticed she had already gone ham on this new book as the pages were starting to fill quickly.  I immediately noticed a castle outline with coloring already in the works… and it was, for a 2 year old girl, AMAZING.  I was stunned at how inside the lines she was and how she had even started a pattern for the colors.  So impressed in fact, that I asked Abasi if it was his work, which thankfully it was not since he’s 36 and I know he’s got a better coloring game than that!  I couldn’t believe it… how could a little girl color so well, so neat and so organized?

I mean, she’s 2… wow, right?

 

And almost before I got through the thought in my head, I felt a sudden urge of panic.

Not an uncontrollable, debilitative panic but a small sensation running up my spine telling me to pay attention to something.  I knew immediately what it was.  The drawing was too neat and clean, too put together for a little girl.  I wanted her to go crazy, be messy, have fun with it, not worry about staying inside the lines too much.

And trust me, I would never say this to her… this stays between us.  I will encourage and applaud her drawings, neat or messy.  But I want to make sure she is embracing all the beauty that comes with being a little crazy, a little messy and a little imperfect.  This wasn’t a ground breaking, life shattering turn of events for Kennedy, she will never be the wiser, but now as her Mama, I have a secret mission: to help her embrace the messy and beautiful parts of life.

It’s along the same lines of cheering and clapping when a baby falls down.  They look immediately to your face to determine if this is something they should cry about, be hurt because of.  If you make a happy-big deal about it, they get excited again and keep on moving.  I want to be like that for every little messy part of Kennedy’s life.  Her biggest cheerleader (ugh, yes I said it) for big or small events that go either as planned or not according to plan.  I want her to know that not being perfect IS PERFECT.  She doesn’t have to get straight A’s, never have braces, win every game or keep every hair in it’s place, as long as she is giving it her all.  She can fall down, get up, go out on a limb, cry, wipe her eyes, take chances, fail and then succeed again because THAT is what it is all about in this crazy/ beautiful life.

Some people will get this, others will not.  That’s ok.  For me, I look at that picture and see how well done it was and know she is already on her way to being amazing.  She’s got it in her and I can’t wait to watch her grow and succeed like I know she will.  But I also know from my own experiences, that it’s not always about drawing inside the lines.  Doing something crazy, taking chances and making mistakes is how we learn and grow.  Some days we will be a perfectly colored castle and other days we will be a Jackson Pollock piece of art… and that is beautiful.

 

Skype Call to Poison Control

The other day I laughed at how crazy life is.  Here I am in one stage of parenting, while my other friends were at various stages of theirs- from first steps to actually giving birth at that very moment.  Life is indeed crazy.

What I didn’t know was that just 2 days later, life would show just HOW crazy it can be.  How incredibly fast life can change.  How I could go from having Kennedy dancing on my feet to “Unchained Melody” in one moment and a mere few hours later, Abasi and I would be Skyping the Poison Control Center in the US about a possible toxic overdose for our daughter.  Life is CRAZY.

Kennedy in bed and Abasi and I settling down to eat our dinner, we thought we had won a  free pass to sleep town.  She hadn’t napped during the day, she was easy to put into bed and now she was quiet. Obviously, too quiet.  We heard a bump, looked into the room and saw Kennedy playing in her room, tube of previously almost full Salicylic Acid nearly empty in her hand. Looking around, we quickly saw it rubbed onto the floor, on some toys and in her hair, but with the tube being so empty… twisted as if to get that very last bit of cream out… we were clearly concerned with ingestion.

So we asked, “Kennedy, did you put this in your mouth?”

“Yes, I tasted it.”

“You put it in your mouth?”

“No, I tasted it.”

Well, that did nothing to ease our concern.  Discussing with a two year old the difference between tasting and swallowing, especially when they can tell they MIGHT have done something wrong, gets you absolutely no where.

Fast forward through a blur of googling, Skyping the Poison Control (who were AMAZING), coming to the conclusion that though Salicylic Acid is essentially aspirin (which is why it’s dangerous for children), the amount she could have possibly ingested was PROBABLY not enough to be toxic, washing her and brushing her teeth, I found myself lying in bed with her, waiting for any kind of reaction.  Never before has living so far from a hospital (an hour and change from a not-so-great-one and 4 HOURS from a great one) seemed so scary and suffocating.  She did have 2 slight “symptoms” according to the various sights we read, but all in all seemed energetic and fine.

As she fell asleep, I put her face close to mine and said “I need you forever Kennedy.  You can’t go anywhere.”

Her response?  She put her tiny little hands on either side of my face and said “You’re beautiful Mommy.”

I pretty much just collapsed my face onto hers, needing to be close to her, hating myself for leaving that tube in reach and thanking God for allowing this to not have been as serious as it could have been.

Clearly, I slept with her that night.  Well, more like I laid next to her as she slept, every twitch or cough she had I inspected until I felt sure she was ok.  I woke/ got up at 6am when the sun was coming through the windows, checked her again, kissed her on her forehead and walked to the door to watch her still for another minute or two.

I checked on her another 2 times after that.  Any sound I heard, I jumped out of bed.  The next time I went into see her, she was laying in bed awake and laughing.  Again, I fell into her bed and kissed her.

So many things can and DO happen in the blink of an eye, and this time we got away with it.  I left something in reach and it could have been a lot worse.  I could have made a mistake that I would never forgive myself for.  As I’ve said before, I’m not perfect, but I’ll be damned if I don’t learn from my mistakes and appreciate the things that do go our way.

Clearly, alls well that ends well.  We are back to the normal morning routine of coffee, juice, cartoons and her newest obsession of begging for chocolate. It was a wake up call, but in the end not serious. We were lucky.  We ARE lucky.

Life is crazy.

 

My Little Girl’s Gentle Soul: Nature vs Nurture

To say that my daughter surprises and inspires me daily is an understatement.  The obvious humor Kennedy possesses is nothing compared to the gentle soul that frequently expresses empathy for others.  I have seen my 2 year old care more for other human beings than some grown folk.  By 1 years old she was rubbing the backs of older children who were crying, obvious to their sadness.  As her age progressed, so did her awareness of situations with pain and sadness, leaving her to cry at sad songs in movies… obviously my child with that one.  She just gets it.

Today I stood in awe from the doorway as I watched my tiny little human, the best thing I have ever created, line her animals and dollies up on the bed to sleep, whisper in their ear and kiss them on their heads.  Kennedy beams beautiful from the inside out.  She has grace that I cannot explain and question if I can even take credit for.

Of course there are moments when the terrible twos rage their screaming, belligerent heads.  Moments where she looses all human like qualities and simply flails on the ground like a sea creature out of water.  Oh yes, my darling daughter does that also.  But I feel like those moments only help to show the stark contrast that is her soft and gentle nature.

How did this happen?  Is it simply who she is or a direct result of our obvious award winning and glorious parenting?  Though I obviously kid about the next-to-Godly job I am doing parenting, I do pray that my daughter’s kindness comes at least in part from her interactions with Abasi and I.  “Dear God, please allow Abasi and I to continue being the very best parents we can” is a nightly prayer.  I only want to do the VERY best I possibly can do for her… nothing more, nothing less.

Hopefully it is a combination though.  Hopefully Kennedy’s born nature is working in peaceful unity with the examples she sees not only from Abasi and I, but from her family, friends and surroundings.  The simple nature that is our life here in Costa Rica hopefully lends Kennedy to feeling less of the hustle and bustle stress of an over-stimulated world.  I certainly have moments that are not in my finest hour, when the stress of the day erupts after washing the 100th plate of the day and the dirty dish water splashes up into my face and over on the floor, leaving me howling out the kitchen window like a crazed wolf.  Oh yes, picture it.  These moments I would rather prefer her NOT to note for later use.

The moments like today only inspire me to snip my loose ends and tighten up my game.  Not because I am trying to be perfect and act like I don’t loose my cool or have moments of being incredibly overwhelmed.  I want to simply mirror the beauty that I see in my daughter.  If she can learn from my nurture, then why can I not learn from hers?

And if this is the result- this small, beautiful, bundle of empathy, humor and grace than I am humbled, truly humbled, to be her mother, her teacher and her student.

Mornings I Want to SCREEAMM!!!

Oh hello 6:30am… is it time to wake up, because I could’ve sworn I just closed my eyes barely before my head hitting the pillow.

But no, it has to be time to get up, because I hear Kennedy pounding on her door, yelling “MAAAMMMAA!!”  Opening the door, I am greeted by the newest fashion trend Kennedy is flaunting… full on nudity, convinced she must take off her own diaper behind the door every morning.  And it is definitely morning, because the sun is up from its sleep as well and the monkeys, yes monkeys, are howling and grunting high above our heads.  Yes… it is definitely morning in Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica for this Jungle Princess and her mama.

But unlike normal mornings, coffee in hand and cartoons on the TV, we don’t have time today to adjust to the new day before heading to school.  No, today we must finish the cake for Kennedy’s class party, which means running out to town before 8am.  Hurry, hurry, hurry, we have to get out the door my little love.

Hardly.  My beautiful child, who can rock an easy disposition like no ones business is having none of it today.  Incessant whining every time I put her down, needing to be held, then yelling NO! as if to say “HOW DARE YOU PICK ME UP!”  This tiny little maniac is sending signals all over the place and all the whining is already fine tuning my must-get-coffee-now-headache.  God bless my soul, even her rare moments of happiness induced singing are driving me crazy this morning. Pushing through the fits and  trying my damnedest to keep calm, I turn her attention to getting dressed because today, I remind her, is a party at school!  My efforts seem not to be in vain but she quickly remembers she has recently mastered her colors- thank God because I swear I thought she was color blind. However, Hell hath no fury like a toddler that knows her colors.  “GGGWWEEEENNNN PANNNTSSSS!!!”  Dear God, please Krysta… find the green pants, I beg of myself.  And as if taunting me, I peer through her bedroom window to see her green pants hanging on the line, dripping wet from last night’s (and the night before that and the night before that and, well you get it…) rain.  Well that sucks.

I try to steer her attention to a “yellow-green” shirt, to no avail.  Thankfully, after another bout of fits and crying, she decides red is ok to wear and like a gift given from God himself, there are a pair of red pants sitting as a sacrifice atop the pile.  Remember to say an extra thank you later, I remind myself.

Fast forwarding through more huffs and puffs, the wanting the banana then not wanting the banana, NEEDING to wear her blue shoes (what do I care if it doesn’t match and we can get it done without tears), and again with the needing to be held… carried actually to the car.  It feels like I’m rounding third, on my way to home plate, just a quick stop at the store and we are at school… I can practically smell the coffee percolating in my kitchen.

BUT NO, duh.  The mental prepping I had done last night is all awash.  The candy I had envisioned on the cake is out of stock and the other candies aren’t going to cut it.  Think fast, move on Krysta.  At this point, Kennedy has already stared wide eyed at the candy display, holding onto the promise she could have “only one.”  With the time restraint and lack of suitable candy, I make what I know to be an unwise move and leave the store, sans candy.  Insert waterworks —->> here.  More like fireworks with tears, as she screams and thrashes all the way to the car.  A local surfer I pass says “you look nervous,” and though I think the term got lost in a language translation, I know what he means and blurt out “I JUST NEED TO FINISH A CAKE!!!”

I run to the only other store open at this hour and settle on rainbow sprinkles… no not Jimmies to all my South Jersey friends… these are the tiny little ball sprinkles.  It is lack luster but it will have to suffice.  Kennedy at this point has refocused her energies and compromises on a juice.  Easy.  Buy it and run to the car, open the sprinkles and again my Murphy’s Law of a morning continues.  SPRINKLES EVERYWHERE.  EVERYWHERE.  Clean up all the sprinkles and I drop the freaking cap on the ground almost under the car.  I seriously don’t have time for this and I can feel my blood rising into my face.  WOOOSSAAHHH, Krysta, you’re so close to home, the ball’s in mid field, you will DEFINITELY make it to home plate.

Throw the kid back in the car, head to school, hand over the cake… I am relinquished of that responsibility now… and give kisses goodbye.  Halleujah, I slide around the plate, barely sweeping my fingers on the base, close but enough for the home run… I am free.  Free for the next 4 hours.  Well actually 2.5 because I have work meetings, but still free to go get some coffee, decompress and renew my patience.

Not every single morning is rainbows and sunshine people.  Most days are great.  But some days I want to rip my hair out.  Today was one of them.  This too shall pass. And at noon, I will gladly go to the school, scoop my big/ little girl into my arms, ask her how her day was and kiss her until I turn blue in the face.  It’s about breathing, accepting the bad moments, embracing the good and pushing forward to the new.

And it helps to remember that children are really just tiny, little, crazy midgets whose sole purpose is to make you go bat s*%t crazy… but they do it with love.  : )  True story.

At least the cake looks cool… pre frosting and sprinkles.

Dear Kennedy, I Promise…

Dear Kennedy:

If on some days I seem impatient, I apologize for not taking the time to relax with you,
I probably spent the night up worrying about how to protect you forever.

If on some days I seem distant, I promise I am always by your side.
I have a thousand thoughts a day, but you are the center of them all.

If on some days you have more energy than I can muster, I promise to still get up and dance.
Even if for just a song or two, I will never say no to the chance to spin with you.

If on some days you seem hell-bent on doing something by yourself,
I promise to let you try, but always be within reach to catch you if you fall.

If on some days I seem to need a “time out” for myself, I promise to make it quick.
3 minutes by myself to breathe and refresh to continue trying to being the best mommy I can be.

If someday you fall and hurt yourself,
I promise to kiss your boo-boos and help you heal, even if only through my prayers.

If someday, no matter your age, you are sick,
I promise to give you homemade soup, endless cuddling and cookies of your choice.

If someday in the future, you feel bullied at school and your feelings are hurt,
I promise to hold you, to listen to you and to help you understand what is going on.

If someday in the future, I find out you are doing the bullying,
I promise still to hold you, to listen to you and to help you understand how you are hurting someone else.

If someday in the future you cannot solve a problem,
I promise not to solve it for you, but help you get to an answer.

If someday in the future, you feel like you cannot accomplish something,
I promise to show you your strength and how anything is possible if you work at it.

If someday in the future, I feel you are making poor decisions,
I promise to gently guide you without ever truly changing your direction, for that is for you to do.

If someday in the future you rebel and disobey,
I promise still to love you and trust you learn from your choices.

If someday in the future, you feel I simply don’t understand,
I promise I probably do not, but I will work to listen to the words you say instead of just hearing you.

If someday in the future a boy breaks your heart,
I promise to sit you down, wipe your tears and explain the difference between a boy and a man.

If someday in the future you are betrayed by a friend,
I promise to show you strong examples of friendship that I have created with the people who love you most, as my mother showed me in her bonds with the people that surrounded me.

If someday in the future you question yourself,
I promise to sit you down, as my father did with me, and explain exactly who you are, where you came from and how strong your roots are.

If someday in the future you feel scared,
I promise to protect you.

If someday in the future you feel the need to travel,
I promise to give you a journal and a map and send you on your way.

If someday in the future you feel lost,
I promise to pray for and with you.

If someday in the future you fall in love,
I will trust that this person respects you, makes you laugh, honors you and holds you in the highest regard.

If someday in the future you fall in love,
I will trust that you will return this respect, humor, honor and hold your partner in the highest regard.

If someday in the future you choose to marry the love of your life,
I will trust that you came to this decision together in love and with God for guidance.

If someday in the future you become a mother,
I will weep at the understanding that you will finally know the love I have for you.

If someday in the future I am able to watch you love and learn with your children,
I will listen to your concerns, soothe your fears, and thank God for letting me witness the strength of my daughter as a mother.

If someday in the future I am not around,
I promise you I am, even if not physically.

If someday in the future you find yourself missing me,
I promise you will feel me at your weakest moments and pray you find strength from our memories.

If someday in the future I am gone for good,
Know that it is because of you that I ever was the woman you remember, the woman I became and the woman I worked every day to be. Without you I was nothing, with you I realized I could be anything and because of you I had everything.

Love You to the Moon, Around the Sun, and MORE Than All of the Stars in the Universe,

Mama

 

Why I Let My Daughter Paint My Nails the UGLIEST Shade of Yellow in the Whole Wide World…

MY. GOD. If you could see my fingernails in person, you would think I have some rare disease. I mean honestly, it looks like my nails have jaundice. What a God-awful color to even produce, let alone wear.

So then why am I wearing it?

Well, because my little girl wanted me too. And she wanted to be the one to put it on. And because right now, at the age she is, why would I ever make a big deal about what color my nails are, if SHE THINKS IT’S PERFECT.

But it also gave us time to learn. She (and I) had to practice patience in our movements with the brush. And attention to detail. And hand stability. And even MORE patience, as we had to wait for the first coat… and yes, that is actually more than one coat… to dry.

And so ultimately, it went down like this:

She held up the bottle and said “you?”

And I asked, “Uumm… are you sure? Is there another color you like?”

“No Mama!”

In my head: DAMNIT! To her: “Well, what color is that then?”

“Yelwoow”

In my head: DAMNIT! To her: “It certainly is, go ahead Kennedy,”

So for the next 20 minutes, I helped her to guide the brush, up and down, and across and over and a few other directions nail polish isn’t supposed to go, but eventually it was done. And Kennedy was happier than a pig in you know what. And that made it worth it.

And now, I am wearing the most hideous yellow on my nails for the whole world to see, because my 2 year old did it. And she was proud of it. And I was proud of her. What is the point of wasting an opportunity to learn, share and make memories with your child just because you may… and I do… look silly wearing it? I would walk around in a brown paper bag if Kennedy decorated it and was proud enough of it to ask me to wear it.

IT’S WHAT BEING A PARENT IS ALL ABOUT! If we didn’t have these kinds of moments, then the other stressful moments would seem endless. It is the beauty in the simplicity of happiness that a child has that we can not only enjoy with them, but learn from. Don’t let a mess get in the way of some fun! Literally, get your hands dirty and finger paint with your little ones. Dress up and have a tea party! The only person in the world that matters is sharing that cup with you and at that very moment, she thinks you are the coolest person in the universe.

So, again, why did I let my daughter paint my nails the ugliest shade of yellow??? Because what I am learning more than anything about parenthood is that aside from it being joyous and exciting and stressful and crazy and mind-blowing, is that in the end… it’s really just FLEETING. One day I will turn around and Kennedy won’t care what color my nails are, let alone want to paint them for me. The moments and opportunities for memories and experiences are dwindling every day as our children grow.   And I for one, will try to reach out and capture every one of those. With my yellow nailed hands. ; )

Our toes in the sand at Kennedy’s 2nd birthday party.

Our toes in the sand at Kennedy’s 1st birthday party. 1st time having her toes painted! ❤

Life Unplanned: 3 Years of Unexpected Bliss

She stares at me from the living room floor and smiles. Lying on the ground in her diaper, watching morning cartoons, pancakes only crumbs now and my coffee needing to be refilled, Kennedy and I have our morning routine down pat. Every morning I wait for the “MAMA??” before I go and open her door to her big girl room. Rushing out and into my arms, I ask… “Did you sleep well?” “Yes mama.” “Did you dream??” “Yes, Mama!” I then proceed to ask her if she dreamt of the most ridiculous and whimsical things, and always am confirmed with a solid, YES! She did in fact dream of these things that I conjured up. Like I said, routine down pat.

And with the 3-year anniversary of our epic road trip/ move to Costa Rica, I find myself in awe at how different life actually is from what we were expecting back then. Freshly engaged and high on the idea of driving through Central America with our 2 dogs, Bentley and Gemini, we couldn’t even fathom the life of bottles, diapers, day care, butt rashes and so forth. Abasi and I were pumped to go run our bar with our partners, party like there was no tomorrow and truly embrace living in another country. But what is it that they say… Life is what happens when you start making plans?

Well, I for one would like to thank life. We were wrong and you were SOO right.

It’s no secret that Kennedy is a perfectly unplanned blessing. I joke all the time about drinking tequila and wishing something into the wind, as I did when I told my sister-in-law, Niki, that I hoped our kids wouldn’t be “too far apart in age” as she held her newborn son. Well, wish came true because I unbeknownst to me I was already pregnant. So again… DO NOT DRINK TEQUILA AND MAKE WISHES INTO THE WIND… unless you want life to get awesome and crazy, then do it now.

When I found out… At 3 MONTHS… that I was pregnant, I was shocked. Scared. Shocked. Sad. Happy. Shocked. You get the point. It wasn’t planned, it wasn’t the right time, we didn’t even have permanent housing yet. But we figured it out. Because we had too, and sometimes you need that little shove in the right direction.

As I would find out, our true destiny in moving to Puerto Viejo was not to run a bar but to become parents. I truly believe with every fiber of my being that I was meant to become a mom here. Kennedy was meant to be born here and start our adventure. Without a doubt. I had the easiest, healthiest pregnancy. I ate delicious, fresh fruits and walked or rode my bike everywhere. I felt great pregnant. And to top it off, I had the easiest, calmest delivery known to man. Start to finish, 45 minutes… I mean C’MON!!! What else could I have asked for? But that was all just the beginning, and now we’re on this adventure that I never expected but could never, and mean never, comprehend not having.

Raising Kennedy in Costa Rica, with her best friend and older-by-7-months cousin Kai, is beautiful to watch because it’s so different than the normal experiences I hear about.  I’m humbled watching her grow because I know I never would have chosen this for her, yet thankfully something divine knew the direction our life would take and give this to her anyway. As I type this, I am asking her to go watch TV or play with her toys so I can concentrate, but she is insisting we go outside instead. And yesterday she wanted to go surfing. Who is this kid, and how did we get so lucky? She eats exotic foods and flavors, speaks Spanish and English, craves the ocean, sings her heart out and prefers climbing “like a mono (monkey)” then playing with toys. She rides a stick horse around, clicking her tongue to mimic the sound of hooves. Growing up in Costa Rica has brought out the most organic parts of being a kid and she isn’t overwhelmed or over-stimulated by toys, lights, beeping, etc. And trust me, I ain’t judging any other way, because like I’ve said… this was never our plan, just our destiny.

And while Kennedy is the main diversion from our original plans, other things have come and gone in 3 years that we never foresaw. For starters, we have lived in 5… yes FIVE… different houses in 3 years. Finally, we are in a home that we know we have long term, but the continuous stress of moving a family with a baby and 2 dogs, the uncertainty of having a living arrangement to fit our needs, was never on our radar back then. The feeling of not being rooted was at times overwhelming and induced bouts of homesickness. It was rough, but it tested our faith and our relationship, and each time we made it out on the other side. And maybe coincidentally or maybe as a divine reward, each time the house was that much better for our family.

As for family, one of the bigger surprises was having my brother Brandon move with us almost a year ago. Brandon knew he needed a change, we wanted Brandon to experience new things and thankfully everyone was prepared for the adjustment. It has been one hell of an experience, reuniting with my brother after not having lived near each other for almost 9 years. There have definitely been ups and downs and obstacles to understanding each other, but we’re finally starting to get the hang of the whole brother-sister friendship thing and I have to say… I don’t hate it.

         

Clearly, not all changes have been for the better. Losing Gemini last week was devastating. I felt like I had lost a life long friend because even though she was “only a dog” she was 1 of 4 breathing souls that understood our journey to here. And now she’s gone and though she was getting older, I really truly never expected to bury her here. But again, literally as I type I realize, maybe that is for the better. We won’t always live in Puerto Viejo. There will be a day when we move on, but a part of our hearts and our family will always be here. And we buried her in a remote beach area with a coconut and the hopes that a tree will sprout through the burial site and she can be a part of the continuous circle of life. Gemini will always be here, so we will always be here, in one way or another.

 

And there it is. 3 years of twists and turns. Ups and downs. Uncertainty and growth, changes and surprises. I had no idea when we finally pulled out of our drive way in South Carolina to begin our trek, that it would lead us to this point in life. To parenthood, to losing Gemini, to gaining a friendship with my brother. For every diaper I didn’t expect to change, I gained a kiss from my daughter. And for every shot of tequila I can’t take late night at the bar, I gained an “I love you Mama.” Life happened. We adapted. We grew. We found real love.

Life happened exactly how we didn’t expect it to… and we gained a family. I couldn’t have planned it better myself.

The Perfect Moment to Share…

As a mom, and a young mom, I always want life to seem perfect.  I know this is unrealistic, but still I want to dress my daughter in the cutest outfits and rocking a perfect fro. I want to seem as if I am 2 steps ahead and with every hair in its pretty little place. Frustrated? Me? NEVER! Losing control? Get real! And need proof, that life is just as it should be, well then take a look at my Instagram account. The perfect sunset behind my handsome and buff man, kids playing perfectly in the water, dinner that is worthy of the cover of a cooking magazine? Of course, I want to portray control and beauty. Of course, I only show the real world my semi-real world. Would you show a picture of your 3 loads of CLEAN laundry heaped on the floor? Or of that burnt chicken that not even your dog would eat? How about a picture of your 2 year old throwing a tantrum on the floor and you sitting on the couch, dazed and about to lose it? Didn’t think so.

I do seem to live a pretty perfect life. I have a sexy fiancée, a beautiful and healthy daughter, a thriving business and we live in Costa Rica for goodness sake! And don’t get me wrong… life is good, but there are always thoughts about the “grass being greener on the other side.” And after going back and forth with it, feeling guilty about everyone constantly saying “Your life seems so perfect!” “I wish I had your life,” blah blah blah, I realized WHO CARES?! I realized it’s OK if I show the perfect moments in a not perfect world. Do I look ready to take on the world every day, strong, confident and beaming? No! A lot of days I’m in yoga pants with no bra on until late afternoon and only after walking past myself in the mirror 20+ times do I finally get my arse in gear. That’s when I would snap that perfect shot! And if you think my beautiful little girl, who takes the most absolute perfect pictures, simply stares off into the sunset like that… well then you’re only kidding yourself. I had to take 18,000 pictures to get that one, and her look of deep thinking is more of a purposely-not-looking-at-mom look. And damn if I didn’t make a beautiful looking eggplant parm the other night, but I bet you couldn’t tell from the pictures that my pasta was… and I apologize to my mother for this… UNDERCOOKED! But it looked good right? Bet your arse it did.

The way I choose to look at it is this: Life is not perfect. Things happen in the blink of an eye, life changes, you burn the chicken and your kid poops on the ground. So when I post a picture of my little girl gazing out into the water, small smile on her face, with the perfect filter on the photo to capture the moment and someone says “Wow, you really are living the life,” I smile, guilt free and think… yes, at that very moment I was. And even if the next moment is Kennedy sprawled out on the sand, kicking and screaming because we’re leaving the beach, then just for that one moment it was perfect. And there will be more. And maybe, just maybe, Instagram DOES depict life as it truly is. Just little snapshots of perfection in a crazy world. And when that next moment happens, I promise to show you.   With a perfect filter to fit that perfect moment. You can count on it.

 

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