4 Dates as a Mama That Are Better Than Any First Date in the World

When you’re young and looking to fall in love, or maybe just looking to have some fun, dating seems like the biggest highlight of your fledging social life.  First dates, with all the butterflies, awkward moments and possible first kisses are magical in their own right, but what would you say if I told you it gets even better?  What if I told you I’ve discovered 4 dates in my adulthood… and specifically as a mom… that blow the best first date I’ve ever had out of the water?

The “Let’s Escape and Remember We’re Humans That Love Each Other Date”

To be fair, I have actually had a first date with this person- and it was pretty amazing.  BUT as exceptional as that date was, over sushi and loads of sake, I’m talking about a rendezvous even more special, more intimate… and one that rarely ever happens.  I’m talking about the elusive date with my fiancé.  That magical moment when we actually have a babysitter and can sneak away for a few hours to simply enjoy being adults together.  Yes, we love our daughter, but we also love one another and certainly do not get enough time to just let loose and share a few laughs, catch a movie or a plate of really delicious, salty parmesan and prosciutto.  When we enjoy each other more, we not only enjoy our family more, but we handle the bumps and bruises of parenting better together too.

The “You Save My Soul and Keep Me Sane Date”

Coffee? Check. Laughing? Check. Girlfriends? Check Check.  Mastering the art of the girlfriend date has been by far one of my biggest accomplishments and sanity savers.  Never in my life did I expect to find such raw happiness in laughing and talking… mixed with a bit of bitching… with my girlfriends over a good cup of hot coffee!  Nothing is off limits, from toddler tantrums to awkward gynecologist visits to the latest dumb fight with our spouses.  Girlfriends are the soul sisters sent to us to let us know we’re NOT ALONE (or crazy!)  No matter if it’s a quick cup of Joe, a long night with an endless supply of wine or anything in between, I relish the time to soak up all the support and love with my BFFs.

The “Embracing Every Moment of Our Legacy Date”

If you’re blessed enough to still have the opportunity for date #3, I suggest you get on it and savor every moment you can.  Opportunities to share time with my adult parents is by far one of the most treasured experiences in life.  Everything from learning little secrets I didn’t realize as a child to discovering more of who I am through the tales of my parents to their NOW WISE advice is something to behold.  Simply shopping (power walking and bargain buying) with my Mom or sitting on the back deck, sipping a martini with my Dad, time always seems to simultaneously stop and pass in the blink of an eye.  For a moment, I am transfixed- embracing this person whom I know will not always be around- trying my best to soak up every memory, piece of invaluable knowledge or family secret before the hustle and bustle of life starts again.  Though I vividly remember with joy my “Daddy Daughter Dates” as a child, watching vampire movies and eating large bowls of pasta, I still wouldn’t trade any of my adult conversations with my parents for the world.  I hold every nanosecond deep inside my heart to pull from, when inevitably one day, they are no longer around to guide me.

The “Little Toes, Big Smiles, Perfect Moments and Endless Love Date”

Finally, this brings us to the date of all dates.  The very MOMENT I realized I wanted life to literally stand still.  The moment I thought to myself “this is exactly how every true love should feel.”  That exact moment I looked at my daughter, lying in our bed with a big bowl of popcorn practically hiding her face, watching a movie and laughing.  Just the two of us in our pajamas, our hair messy from a day of play- date night with my daughter has turned out to be the most rewarding event of my life.  No wining and dining, flowers, first date sparks or butterflies can compare to the simplicity of true love between us.  It is in the very moment that we start singing or dancing to any number of Disney movies, that I know this… this moment right here… is my favorite date of all.  On any given day, my hundredth kiss from my daughter is still more special and cherished than any first kiss on any first date in the world.

Letting the Little Things Get You Through…

Today has been draining.

On top of numerous things forever circulating inside my brain about my family, my business and life in general, I have been feeling especially disconnected to… something.  I will admit it, I have been feeling kind of lost lately.  It’s not as if I don’t have a purpose… I’m a mother for God’s sake, I will ALWAYS have a purpose. I suppose it is just a rut, and I’m ok with that, because I’m strong enough to pull myself out of a rut.  And IF I’m not, I know I have people surrounding me that are waiting in the wings to lift me out.

But on top of just feeling  “blah” today, our dog Bentley hasn’t been eating and thankfully Abasi noticed 2 large lumps on his throat quick enough that we were able to take action.  Just walking into the vet’s office I cried at the sadly familiar surroundings.  Hopefully, we caught what we now know to be Tick Fever in time, because I simply cannot lose Bentley.  Preferably not ever, but knowing that that is impossible, I beg God not to let us lose him a mere 2 months after losing his mother, Gemini.

So, like I said, today has been draining.

But, with that being said, today I sang, I’ve smiled, and at a certain point I even laughed.  It is at moments when we feel the lowest that we sometimes, or at least I do, notice the highs of life caused by the smallest of things.

First I drove down a highway by myself… and fast.  NOT DANGEROUSLY FAST, but faster than the small roads in  Puerto Viejo allow for, but I wasn’t in Puerto Viejo anymore so I let it rip!  There is something in this world about driving with a purpose, sun and wind on my face, music blasting and singing out loud that makes my heart flutter and my spirits soar.  And so, despite it all, I sang.

Then I indulged in milk and cookies.  Hell yea, I did.  And I might have more later because I wanted to and because it made me feel comfort when I needed it.  Do I eat cookies every day?  No, I am conscious of what I put into my body, but I’ll be damned if I deprive myself a simple avenue towards feeling better.  Take what you can get when you get it.  And so, despite it all, I smiled.

And finally, I surrounded myself with my biggest high in life of them all… my kids.  Techinically I only have one, but my nephew Makai is such a beautiful part of my life that I love him like my own.  Kennedy and Kai are an extension of one another in every gorgeous way and being around them together is better than any prescription in the world.  I picked them up from school and drove slowly through the back roads listening to their conversations in Spanish and in English about butterflies, birds and how their daddies were taking their Auntie Cecily back to the airport today.  When I asked what they ate at school, they replied in unison “RICE AND BEANS” which for whatever reason cracked me up.  The energy, youth, love and humor that these two children possess individually and especially together is invigorating.  And so, despite it all, I laughed… a lot.

The Best “Happy Pill” in the WORLD: Being Around These Two Together ❤

My point is this: life for the most part is beautiful and on most days I have an insatiable appetite for it.  However, certain days can seem down right tough, tough, tough.  There are always curveballs to handle, unexpected expenses to pay, hurdles to get over, but enjoying the little things eases so much of that tension.  It won’t be the same thing for everyone, but whatever it is, use it, embrace it, enjoy it.  Mine just happens to be singing loudly and poorly, cookies and child Spanglish banter… and because of it, despite it all today, I sang, I smiled and I laughed.

  What are your stress relievers?  Go to happy makers?  Let’s hear it!

Skype Call to Poison Control

The other day I laughed at how crazy life is.  Here I am in one stage of parenting, while my other friends were at various stages of theirs- from first steps to actually giving birth at that very moment.  Life is indeed crazy.

What I didn’t know was that just 2 days later, life would show just HOW crazy it can be.  How incredibly fast life can change.  How I could go from having Kennedy dancing on my feet to “Unchained Melody” in one moment and a mere few hours later, Abasi and I would be Skyping the Poison Control Center in the US about a possible toxic overdose for our daughter.  Life is CRAZY.

Kennedy in bed and Abasi and I settling down to eat our dinner, we thought we had won a  free pass to sleep town.  She hadn’t napped during the day, she was easy to put into bed and now she was quiet. Obviously, too quiet.  We heard a bump, looked into the room and saw Kennedy playing in her room, tube of previously almost full Salicylic Acid nearly empty in her hand. Looking around, we quickly saw it rubbed onto the floor, on some toys and in her hair, but with the tube being so empty… twisted as if to get that very last bit of cream out… we were clearly concerned with ingestion.

So we asked, “Kennedy, did you put this in your mouth?”

“Yes, I tasted it.”

“You put it in your mouth?”

“No, I tasted it.”

Well, that did nothing to ease our concern.  Discussing with a two year old the difference between tasting and swallowing, especially when they can tell they MIGHT have done something wrong, gets you absolutely no where.

Fast forward through a blur of googling, Skyping the Poison Control (who were AMAZING), coming to the conclusion that though Salicylic Acid is essentially aspirin (which is why it’s dangerous for children), the amount she could have possibly ingested was PROBABLY not enough to be toxic, washing her and brushing her teeth, I found myself lying in bed with her, waiting for any kind of reaction.  Never before has living so far from a hospital (an hour and change from a not-so-great-one and 4 HOURS from a great one) seemed so scary and suffocating.  She did have 2 slight “symptoms” according to the various sights we read, but all in all seemed energetic and fine.

As she fell asleep, I put her face close to mine and said “I need you forever Kennedy.  You can’t go anywhere.”

Her response?  She put her tiny little hands on either side of my face and said “You’re beautiful Mommy.”

I pretty much just collapsed my face onto hers, needing to be close to her, hating myself for leaving that tube in reach and thanking God for allowing this to not have been as serious as it could have been.

Clearly, I slept with her that night.  Well, more like I laid next to her as she slept, every twitch or cough she had I inspected until I felt sure she was ok.  I woke/ got up at 6am when the sun was coming through the windows, checked her again, kissed her on her forehead and walked to the door to watch her still for another minute or two.

I checked on her another 2 times after that.  Any sound I heard, I jumped out of bed.  The next time I went into see her, she was laying in bed awake and laughing.  Again, I fell into her bed and kissed her.

So many things can and DO happen in the blink of an eye, and this time we got away with it.  I left something in reach and it could have been a lot worse.  I could have made a mistake that I would never forgive myself for.  As I’ve said before, I’m not perfect, but I’ll be damned if I don’t learn from my mistakes and appreciate the things that do go our way.

Clearly, alls well that ends well.  We are back to the normal morning routine of coffee, juice, cartoons and her newest obsession of begging for chocolate. It was a wake up call, but in the end not serious. We were lucky.  We ARE lucky.

Life is crazy.

 

My Little Girl’s Gentle Soul: Nature vs Nurture

To say that my daughter surprises and inspires me daily is an understatement.  The obvious humor Kennedy possesses is nothing compared to the gentle soul that frequently expresses empathy for others.  I have seen my 2 year old care more for other human beings than some grown folk.  By 1 years old she was rubbing the backs of older children who were crying, obvious to their sadness.  As her age progressed, so did her awareness of situations with pain and sadness, leaving her to cry at sad songs in movies… obviously my child with that one.  She just gets it.

Today I stood in awe from the doorway as I watched my tiny little human, the best thing I have ever created, line her animals and dollies up on the bed to sleep, whisper in their ear and kiss them on their heads.  Kennedy beams beautiful from the inside out.  She has grace that I cannot explain and question if I can even take credit for.

Of course there are moments when the terrible twos rage their screaming, belligerent heads.  Moments where she looses all human like qualities and simply flails on the ground like a sea creature out of water.  Oh yes, my darling daughter does that also.  But I feel like those moments only help to show the stark contrast that is her soft and gentle nature.

How did this happen?  Is it simply who she is or a direct result of our obvious award winning and glorious parenting?  Though I obviously kid about the next-to-Godly job I am doing parenting, I do pray that my daughter’s kindness comes at least in part from her interactions with Abasi and I.  “Dear God, please allow Abasi and I to continue being the very best parents we can” is a nightly prayer.  I only want to do the VERY best I possibly can do for her… nothing more, nothing less.

Hopefully it is a combination though.  Hopefully Kennedy’s born nature is working in peaceful unity with the examples she sees not only from Abasi and I, but from her family, friends and surroundings.  The simple nature that is our life here in Costa Rica hopefully lends Kennedy to feeling less of the hustle and bustle stress of an over-stimulated world.  I certainly have moments that are not in my finest hour, when the stress of the day erupts after washing the 100th plate of the day and the dirty dish water splashes up into my face and over on the floor, leaving me howling out the kitchen window like a crazed wolf.  Oh yes, picture it.  These moments I would rather prefer her NOT to note for later use.

The moments like today only inspire me to snip my loose ends and tighten up my game.  Not because I am trying to be perfect and act like I don’t loose my cool or have moments of being incredibly overwhelmed.  I want to simply mirror the beauty that I see in my daughter.  If she can learn from my nurture, then why can I not learn from hers?

And if this is the result- this small, beautiful, bundle of empathy, humor and grace than I am humbled, truly humbled, to be her mother, her teacher and her student.

Keepin’ It Thankful…

Hidey ho amigos!  Hope everyone’s day is going super well.  It was really great to get the response that I did to my last post “Dear Kennedy, I Promise” and everyone that privately messaged me really touched me. So thank you for that. Since my last couple of posts have been preetttyyy llooonnggg, I decided to keep it short and sweet… to match my new haircut ; )

And because Thanksgiving is tomorrow, let’s keep talking about being thankful!  Somethings in life we KNOW we are thankful for, like for our health and that of our loved ones.  I recently read a post by another blogging mama (you should read her stuff… Mom Life Now ) I follow and in her last post, she painfully described the scene at their house while their son suffered through another seizure.  Pure nightmare.  Pure hell.  Pure agony.  In the end, he was fine, but I truly cannot put myself in her shoes and I THANK GOD FOR THIS.  Literally the day before reading her post, I was watching Kennedy as she was falling asleep for a nap and she began shaking her head almost in a yes nod, up and down, up and down.  It freaked me out.  She wasn’t convulsing, she wasn’t moving erratically, simply shaking her head “yes.”  HELL, it’s probably the only “yes” she has given me in the past year so I should’ve let her be, but I couldn’t.  Like I said, it freaked me out.  I assume she was dreaming, but nonetheless I woke her up.  Wake a sleeping toddler, crazy huh? The health, happiness and safety of my daughter is my most focused prayer every night.  I am thankful beyond measure for my own health, that of Abasi and all of our family and friends, and while we too are in my prayers every night, nothing compares to my desire for Kennedy to be healthy and safe.  So for that, more than anything in the world… I am blessed and thankful for.

But then there are things that you appreciate unconsciously and as I sat down to write today, I giggled at myself when I realized that outside of the BIG THING… I really appreciate some small, silly stuff.

Like free coffee at the local ferretería.  There’s nothing special about it, except that I know that when I go to our hardware store, I can score some free coffee and it makes me smile.  I LOVE COFFEE!

Like the fact that you can take a $1 mug and some markers and make a brand new mug for that coffee I love so much.  I also LOVE mugs.

HHOO loves mugs more than me? ; )

And small things like getting my haircut today.  2 hours to relax, chit chat with my girlfran and walk out feeling lighter and refreshed.  Today I did it big and cut my hair short, and I’m even thankful that I SIMPLY DON’T CARE if I take that risk because it is just going to grow back.  9 times out of 10… hair grows back. Cut it off.  Take a chance.  AHHH REFRESHING.

Nice face, huh? A bit apprehensive?

And then there are super cool things that you realize you didn’t know you would be thankful for, or even ever need.  Like writing.  I’ve always loved writing, but I never thought I would need to write.  NOW I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO WRITE. Because it helps me and because I think it’s helping some others too.  AND I NEED THAT.  I am thankful for all the people that pushed me to start a blog and the people that continuously comment, share, like, follow, friend, tweet, etc, etc because it makes me feel SO connected.  Recently, a friend gave me a book by Glennon Doyle Melton (who I am learning is AWESOME, you should check her out too at Momastery.com) to help support and inspire my writing.  She already knows how much I appreciate it, but again, GRACIAS Zoee!  In this book, Mrs. Melton says, “Reading is my inhale, writing is my exhale.”  That is so incredibly beautiful and true.  But the more I thought about it today I realized that for me, writing is my inhale, and YOU… all the people reading this blog and supporting me… are my exhale.  Publishing a new post for me is like holding my breath… waiting for that first comment or like.  A bit narcissistic I know, but it’s more because I want so badly to touch a place in people’s hearts and souls.  I am so grateful FOR YOU GUYS, for giving me a reason to sit down and truly enjoy writing.  Wanting to write.  It helps me deal with life, it calms me down and every time I get a private message saying “THANK YOU, I NEEDED THAT POST TODAY,” I blush with pride.  I am truly honored to be able to express some things that others are feeling also.  SO THANK YOU… ALL OF YOU.

That is it.  Kennedy is napping, I’m gonna watch some boob tube and tomorrow is Thanksgiving Feast time with lots of great people AND GREAT FOOTBALL!  I can’t wait to start baking my Pumpkin Cheesecake and various other recipes I’ve been dying to try.

Have a great day tomorrow, appreciate the small and big things in life and love freely : )