Judgments Be Damned… 10 REAL Things Every Mama Thinks But Shouldn’t Say Out Loud!

Prepare yourself people, we’re speaking the truth.  As I’m sure you’ve heard, parenting is AMAZING… but also a bit bat shit crazy.  There are moments of beauty followed DIRECTLY by moments that make me go, “ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?”  Aside for having to tame my wild beast of a child every day, I also have to deal with work, maintain my friendships and (try to) keep a household. Am I the only one going nuts here? Throughout the day, I probably think of a million random, crazy, funny-bordering-on-inappropriate or exhausting things in my head, but dare I say them out loud!?  YES… I dare.  There are just some things that need to be said, judgments be damned, so all us Mamas know we’re not alone in this intense world called parenting.  So all you thin-skinned, truth shaming son’s of guns better stop reading now, because below are 10 things no mother is supposed to admit… until now.

1. I could knock her out. Let’s get the elephant outta the room shall we?  Disclaimer (so I don’t have my daughter taken away from me): I DO NOT CONDONE child abuse in any way, shape or form.  BUT let’s be honest… I could HYPOTHETICALLY punch my kid in the face at least twice a day.  Have I ever done it?  OF COURSE NOT.  Would I ever do it?  NEVER IN MY LIFE.  But could I actually envision knocking her out after the 18th time she’s bitten me that day, thrown her food on the ground or peed on a pile of clothes??? YEP, damn skippy.  If, as a parent, you have never thought just for 2 seconds about knocking your kid out, then you’re lying.  It’s not heartwarming, it does make you feel like a monster and you do hate yourself for a moment, but (supposing) it’s only a thought and never put into action… you my friend, are NORMAL.  Go scream into your pillow and get it outta yo’ system.

2. I don’t really care about breastfeeding… one way or another.  I didn’t breastfeed because I couldn’t, but truth be told, I was slightly relieved.  I know this sounds horribly selfish, but I’m glad I didn’t have a baby attached to my breast at all times, because running a business and being a new mom was already hard and tiring enough.  Maybe if I could have physically done it, I would be singing a whole other tune and I applaud the women that are able to make it work while working or running a household, but for me it just wasn’t a deal breaker.  If I could, I would, I couldn’t so I didn’t.  No big deal, grab the formula and let’s rock and roll.  Hell, I wasn’t breastfed and I happen to think I’m pretty awesome.

3.  I let my kid skip bathing/ brushing teeth to avoid fits.  Blah, blah, blah, I know hygiene is important, but so is my sanity.  I said I let my kid SKIP, not completely omit, and if my daughter going to bed without a bath means avoiding a meltdown then I say: WINNING!  Have you seen The Walking Dead?  That kid NEVER gets a solid washing and he’s as badass as they come- she’ll thank me later, I’ll thank myself now.

4. Tame your damn kids.  Yes you, the mother letting her kids run all over the restaurant… get your kids in check.  I know no one wants to say it, and every mother is only “doing as best as they can do,” but if little Sally is in a particular “rules be damned mood” that night, how about you keep her at home and let her eat a grilled cheese for dinner?  I don’t need my kid seeing your little monster running all around while I’m trying to explain to my own tiny terrorist that she must at least ACT as if I am a little in control of my chaos.  Get your kid off the table or gracefully bow out and go home.  Sorry, not sorry.

5. There are some days that I wish I could tune out my daughter, lay on the couch and watch Scandal all day long.  I do genuinely enjoy time with my daughter, who is quickly becoming a funny, little spitfire, but SOME days the endless questions, too much Dora the Explorer or needing to be all up in my grill would be sooo much better spent alone and binge-watching TV… with a cup of coffee… ok, bottle of wine.  I said no judgements.

6. I will bribe my kid into submission all day every day.  Oh yes, this is a real line of defense in my home.  If my daughter wakes up already in a sour mood and I haven’t even had time to open my second eye lid, I will move directly towards “cookies for quiet time.”  Thankfully, unlike me who inhales my food, she is an EXTREMELY slow eater, so one cookie gets me enough time to make the coffee.  The second cookie buys me time to drink my coffee and if I’m lucky, I can break a third cookie in half (did you really think I’d give my daughter 3 WHOLE COOKIES before 8am?? C’mon I’m a good mom!) to buy myself just enough time to pee with the door closed.  OH SWEET BRIBERY, YOU SAVE ME TIME AND TIME AGAIN!

7. Have your people call my people, because I’m going to sleep. Oh, sweet partner of mine, I’ve been sleeping for 2 hours but NOW you’re crawling into bed trying to wake me up to get some lovin’?  Too bad, too sad my friend.  After waking with our child, feeding her, bathing her, entertaining her, caring for the dog, cleaning the house and attempting to look like a human (that cares) most of the day, I go to sleep early for a reason… I AM FREAKING TIRED.  You want some sugar?  Then make your move earlier, after the kid’s asleep and before my third cup of the coffee of the day has worn off.  It’s called strategic planning my dear.  Love you though, really.

8. I love to see my single girlfriends, but… I really have no desire to go get drunk, party and listen to you complain about your new flavor of the week.  OUCH… I know that one probably stings.  Listen, it’s not that I don’t love you ladies, but let’s sit down for some coffee or lunch.  Make some dinner and drink some wine?  I know you want to go get trashed, but my life is well… different now.  And not to add salt to the wound, but I chase a toddler around all day who yells at me, throws things and spits her juice out… your questionable judgment in perpetual losers and random sex only makes me want to crawl into a hole more.  Let’s be adults and talk about real things.  Again, love you though, really.

9. If I do go out, and get tipsy, I am still a mom and will talk about my daughter all night long.  I’m not saying I like it, but it’s a fact.  Let’s say you actually do convince me to shower, put a bra on and go out on the town, I will be the annoying mom who can’t stop talking about my kid all night.  Oh how life has changed my friends.  Now, instead of waking up after a night out, worrying about drunken texts or stupid actions, I wake up KNOWING I embarrassed myself by going on and on all night long about “my daughter, the love of my life.”  Geez, get it together, right?

10.  I was less of a person before my child. But my biggest admission?  If I hadn’t already blurted it out, tears forming in my eyes while buzzed on too much tequila, then it is this:  I would not be the person I am today without my child.  I don’t know who I even was before motherhood and could never contemplate a life where my entire world didn’t exist around 1 tiny, crazy, terrorist-esque, beautiful creature.  Sure, there are days that I daydream about jumping ship.  Days spent envisioning my life single and free to travel the world, staying in little loft style apartments, sustaining myself on bread, chocolate and wine, but that is a life for someone else.  For me, my biggest secret is that I would take all the dirty clothes, poop diapers, thrown food, bitten thighs, ear piercing screams, endless nights, early mornings, tears and moments of mind boggling exhaustion for 4 simple words… ‘I love you Mama.’

 

WHEW, I feel better!

4 Dates as a Mama That Are Better Than Any First Date in the World

When you’re young and looking to fall in love, or maybe just looking to have some fun, dating seems like the biggest highlight of your fledging social life.  First dates, with all the butterflies, awkward moments and possible first kisses are magical in their own right, but what would you say if I told you it gets even better?  What if I told you I’ve discovered 4 dates in my adulthood… and specifically as a mom… that blow the best first date I’ve ever had out of the water?

The “Let’s Escape and Remember We’re Humans That Love Each Other Date”

To be fair, I have actually had a first date with this person- and it was pretty amazing.  BUT as exceptional as that date was, over sushi and loads of sake, I’m talking about a rendezvous even more special, more intimate… and one that rarely ever happens.  I’m talking about the elusive date with my fiancé.  That magical moment when we actually have a babysitter and can sneak away for a few hours to simply enjoy being adults together.  Yes, we love our daughter, but we also love one another and certainly do not get enough time to just let loose and share a few laughs, catch a movie or a plate of really delicious, salty parmesan and prosciutto.  When we enjoy each other more, we not only enjoy our family more, but we handle the bumps and bruises of parenting better together too.

The “You Save My Soul and Keep Me Sane Date”

Coffee? Check. Laughing? Check. Girlfriends? Check Check.  Mastering the art of the girlfriend date has been by far one of my biggest accomplishments and sanity savers.  Never in my life did I expect to find such raw happiness in laughing and talking… mixed with a bit of bitching… with my girlfriends over a good cup of hot coffee!  Nothing is off limits, from toddler tantrums to awkward gynecologist visits to the latest dumb fight with our spouses.  Girlfriends are the soul sisters sent to us to let us know we’re NOT ALONE (or crazy!)  No matter if it’s a quick cup of Joe, a long night with an endless supply of wine or anything in between, I relish the time to soak up all the support and love with my BFFs.

The “Embracing Every Moment of Our Legacy Date”

If you’re blessed enough to still have the opportunity for date #3, I suggest you get on it and savor every moment you can.  Opportunities to share time with my adult parents is by far one of the most treasured experiences in life.  Everything from learning little secrets I didn’t realize as a child to discovering more of who I am through the tales of my parents to their NOW WISE advice is something to behold.  Simply shopping (power walking and bargain buying) with my Mom or sitting on the back deck, sipping a martini with my Dad, time always seems to simultaneously stop and pass in the blink of an eye.  For a moment, I am transfixed- embracing this person whom I know will not always be around- trying my best to soak up every memory, piece of invaluable knowledge or family secret before the hustle and bustle of life starts again.  Though I vividly remember with joy my “Daddy Daughter Dates” as a child, watching vampire movies and eating large bowls of pasta, I still wouldn’t trade any of my adult conversations with my parents for the world.  I hold every nanosecond deep inside my heart to pull from, when inevitably one day, they are no longer around to guide me.

The “Little Toes, Big Smiles, Perfect Moments and Endless Love Date”

Finally, this brings us to the date of all dates.  The very MOMENT I realized I wanted life to literally stand still.  The moment I thought to myself “this is exactly how every true love should feel.”  That exact moment I looked at my daughter, lying in our bed with a big bowl of popcorn practically hiding her face, watching a movie and laughing.  Just the two of us in our pajamas, our hair messy from a day of play- date night with my daughter has turned out to be the most rewarding event of my life.  No wining and dining, flowers, first date sparks or butterflies can compare to the simplicity of true love between us.  It is in the very moment that we start singing or dancing to any number of Disney movies, that I know this… this moment right here… is my favorite date of all.  On any given day, my hundredth kiss from my daughter is still more special and cherished than any first kiss on any first date in the world.

Letting the Little Things Get You Through…

Today has been draining.

On top of numerous things forever circulating inside my brain about my family, my business and life in general, I have been feeling especially disconnected to… something.  I will admit it, I have been feeling kind of lost lately.  It’s not as if I don’t have a purpose… I’m a mother for God’s sake, I will ALWAYS have a purpose. I suppose it is just a rut, and I’m ok with that, because I’m strong enough to pull myself out of a rut.  And IF I’m not, I know I have people surrounding me that are waiting in the wings to lift me out.

But on top of just feeling  “blah” today, our dog Bentley hasn’t been eating and thankfully Abasi noticed 2 large lumps on his throat quick enough that we were able to take action.  Just walking into the vet’s office I cried at the sadly familiar surroundings.  Hopefully, we caught what we now know to be Tick Fever in time, because I simply cannot lose Bentley.  Preferably not ever, but knowing that that is impossible, I beg God not to let us lose him a mere 2 months after losing his mother, Gemini.

So, like I said, today has been draining.

But, with that being said, today I sang, I’ve smiled, and at a certain point I even laughed.  It is at moments when we feel the lowest that we sometimes, or at least I do, notice the highs of life caused by the smallest of things.

First I drove down a highway by myself… and fast.  NOT DANGEROUSLY FAST, but faster than the small roads in  Puerto Viejo allow for, but I wasn’t in Puerto Viejo anymore so I let it rip!  There is something in this world about driving with a purpose, sun and wind on my face, music blasting and singing out loud that makes my heart flutter and my spirits soar.  And so, despite it all, I sang.

Then I indulged in milk and cookies.  Hell yea, I did.  And I might have more later because I wanted to and because it made me feel comfort when I needed it.  Do I eat cookies every day?  No, I am conscious of what I put into my body, but I’ll be damned if I deprive myself a simple avenue towards feeling better.  Take what you can get when you get it.  And so, despite it all, I smiled.

And finally, I surrounded myself with my biggest high in life of them all… my kids.  Techinically I only have one, but my nephew Makai is such a beautiful part of my life that I love him like my own.  Kennedy and Kai are an extension of one another in every gorgeous way and being around them together is better than any prescription in the world.  I picked them up from school and drove slowly through the back roads listening to their conversations in Spanish and in English about butterflies, birds and how their daddies were taking their Auntie Cecily back to the airport today.  When I asked what they ate at school, they replied in unison “RICE AND BEANS” which for whatever reason cracked me up.  The energy, youth, love and humor that these two children possess individually and especially together is invigorating.  And so, despite it all, I laughed… a lot.

The Best “Happy Pill” in the WORLD: Being Around These Two Together ❤

My point is this: life for the most part is beautiful and on most days I have an insatiable appetite for it.  However, certain days can seem down right tough, tough, tough.  There are always curveballs to handle, unexpected expenses to pay, hurdles to get over, but enjoying the little things eases so much of that tension.  It won’t be the same thing for everyone, but whatever it is, use it, embrace it, enjoy it.  Mine just happens to be singing loudly and poorly, cookies and child Spanglish banter… and because of it, despite it all today, I sang, I smiled and I laughed.

  What are your stress relievers?  Go to happy makers?  Let’s hear it!

Mornings I Want to SCREEAMM!!!

Oh hello 6:30am… is it time to wake up, because I could’ve sworn I just closed my eyes barely before my head hitting the pillow.

But no, it has to be time to get up, because I hear Kennedy pounding on her door, yelling “MAAAMMMAA!!”  Opening the door, I am greeted by the newest fashion trend Kennedy is flaunting… full on nudity, convinced she must take off her own diaper behind the door every morning.  And it is definitely morning, because the sun is up from its sleep as well and the monkeys, yes monkeys, are howling and grunting high above our heads.  Yes… it is definitely morning in Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica for this Jungle Princess and her mama.

But unlike normal mornings, coffee in hand and cartoons on the TV, we don’t have time today to adjust to the new day before heading to school.  No, today we must finish the cake for Kennedy’s class party, which means running out to town before 8am.  Hurry, hurry, hurry, we have to get out the door my little love.

Hardly.  My beautiful child, who can rock an easy disposition like no ones business is having none of it today.  Incessant whining every time I put her down, needing to be held, then yelling NO! as if to say “HOW DARE YOU PICK ME UP!”  This tiny little maniac is sending signals all over the place and all the whining is already fine tuning my must-get-coffee-now-headache.  God bless my soul, even her rare moments of happiness induced singing are driving me crazy this morning. Pushing through the fits and  trying my damnedest to keep calm, I turn her attention to getting dressed because today, I remind her, is a party at school!  My efforts seem not to be in vain but she quickly remembers she has recently mastered her colors- thank God because I swear I thought she was color blind. However, Hell hath no fury like a toddler that knows her colors.  “GGGWWEEEENNNN PANNNTSSSS!!!”  Dear God, please Krysta… find the green pants, I beg of myself.  And as if taunting me, I peer through her bedroom window to see her green pants hanging on the line, dripping wet from last night’s (and the night before that and the night before that and, well you get it…) rain.  Well that sucks.

I try to steer her attention to a “yellow-green” shirt, to no avail.  Thankfully, after another bout of fits and crying, she decides red is ok to wear and like a gift given from God himself, there are a pair of red pants sitting as a sacrifice atop the pile.  Remember to say an extra thank you later, I remind myself.

Fast forwarding through more huffs and puffs, the wanting the banana then not wanting the banana, NEEDING to wear her blue shoes (what do I care if it doesn’t match and we can get it done without tears), and again with the needing to be held… carried actually to the car.  It feels like I’m rounding third, on my way to home plate, just a quick stop at the store and we are at school… I can practically smell the coffee percolating in my kitchen.

BUT NO, duh.  The mental prepping I had done last night is all awash.  The candy I had envisioned on the cake is out of stock and the other candies aren’t going to cut it.  Think fast, move on Krysta.  At this point, Kennedy has already stared wide eyed at the candy display, holding onto the promise she could have “only one.”  With the time restraint and lack of suitable candy, I make what I know to be an unwise move and leave the store, sans candy.  Insert waterworks —->> here.  More like fireworks with tears, as she screams and thrashes all the way to the car.  A local surfer I pass says “you look nervous,” and though I think the term got lost in a language translation, I know what he means and blurt out “I JUST NEED TO FINISH A CAKE!!!”

I run to the only other store open at this hour and settle on rainbow sprinkles… no not Jimmies to all my South Jersey friends… these are the tiny little ball sprinkles.  It is lack luster but it will have to suffice.  Kennedy at this point has refocused her energies and compromises on a juice.  Easy.  Buy it and run to the car, open the sprinkles and again my Murphy’s Law of a morning continues.  SPRINKLES EVERYWHERE.  EVERYWHERE.  Clean up all the sprinkles and I drop the freaking cap on the ground almost under the car.  I seriously don’t have time for this and I can feel my blood rising into my face.  WOOOSSAAHHH, Krysta, you’re so close to home, the ball’s in mid field, you will DEFINITELY make it to home plate.

Throw the kid back in the car, head to school, hand over the cake… I am relinquished of that responsibility now… and give kisses goodbye.  Halleujah, I slide around the plate, barely sweeping my fingers on the base, close but enough for the home run… I am free.  Free for the next 4 hours.  Well actually 2.5 because I have work meetings, but still free to go get some coffee, decompress and renew my patience.

Not every single morning is rainbows and sunshine people.  Most days are great.  But some days I want to rip my hair out.  Today was one of them.  This too shall pass. And at noon, I will gladly go to the school, scoop my big/ little girl into my arms, ask her how her day was and kiss her until I turn blue in the face.  It’s about breathing, accepting the bad moments, embracing the good and pushing forward to the new.

And it helps to remember that children are really just tiny, little, crazy midgets whose sole purpose is to make you go bat s*%t crazy… but they do it with love.  : )  True story.

At least the cake looks cool… pre frosting and sprinkles.

Stop Drinking the Hate Juice: Learning to Celebrate Another Mother’s Efforts

WOW, can you hear that? No, you can’t because it’s called silence. The pounding and jackhammering in my head has finally subsided. And now that the mini construction demons are done sandblasting their way through my skull and my nose has returned to actually smelling things, I am happy to say I’m BACCKK!! But with me come my thoughts and opinions from the last couple of fog-brained and drugged days of consciousness. And like my main man Abasi loves to say, “opinions are like a&#holes… everyone’s got ‘em and they all stink!”

And trust me, my following thoughts might cause a stink…

2 days ago I read an article in the NY Post, by Karol Markowicz, that had been going around a few of my friends’ newsfeeds. It was titled “Modern Moms Looking for Perfection in All the Wrong Places” and even before I read it, I felt my cheeks beginning to tingle. Upon reading it, my initial response was indeed… DAMN! That stings!

I felt like I had been personally slapped in the face by the author. Why was I so directly offended by a person I didn’t even know? For starters, it could have been because as I sat there feeling snubbed and sorry for myself, I could literally see from the corner of my eye, the finger painted t-shirt Kennedy had just finished drying on the table. Gut punch delivered.

And then, clearly I had sat there frozen with frustration for too long, because as if to finish me off, my screen saver mockingly cascaded pictures of Kennedy’s 2^nd birthday party, Minnie Mouse themed all over my laptop… do-it-yourself Minnie ears and all. Upper cut… call the match.

At first I was annoyed because it felt like I was personally being told… “You try to hard.” “Stop faking perfection!” Trust me, ain’t no one faking perfection over here. Like you might have read in my first blog post, “The Perfect Moment to Share,” I believe everyone is entitled to beautiful moments and should show them off. They are your perfect moments, be proud of them. But I’ll be damned if I act like I have it all together.

I will be the first one to admit that Kennedy initially started going to “school” (daycare) at a year and half, BECAUSE I NEEDED TIME to get back to being me. To have time to work out or do yoga or go to the freaking beach without chasing a toddler. Or watch NCIS: Los Angeles uninterrupted. OR JUST TO BREATHE. I needed those 4 hours a day, 5 days a week to remember I was a human being. Doesn’t sound so perfect, does it? I could care less, I feel great, she has friends, learns things daily and we’re all better for it.

And that homemade t-shirt, finger painted to perfection… you bet your ass that’s going on Instgram, but wanna know the real reason behind it? You think I just want to expose my daughter to “the arts?”   Yea sure, that too. But what it really does is gives us something to do for 20 minutes a day in one spot. When we’re done, I can figure out what to do for the next 13 hours and 40 minutes of “awake time.” Cut me some slack if I’m proud enough of the finished product that came from my “toddler control/ mama sanity methods.” Ps: We painted a mug the next day, and I love that too…

And what the hell is this about the “old days?” Do we really want to go back to a time when we would just throw our kids in front of a TV dinner and walk away to shake up some martinis? Believe you me, I’m 27 years old and my mother had a home cooked meal on the table for us EVERY NIGHT of the week… and still had time for a cocktail. Because she’s awesome. And so awesome in fact, that this trend of “newly themed birthdays” must really be holding on something fierce because I had themed birthdays and homemade carousel birthday cakes in the 80’s and 90’s. That’s a hell of a “fad” if you ask me.

You know what we, as a society, did do 30 or more years ago? Smoke during pregnancies, drive without seat belts and use minimal to no sunscreen. If you ask me, thank God we’ve made some discoveries and adaptations to our parenting abilities.

But then I woke up, after 2 days of bed-ridden contemplation and as the last cloud drifted from my refreshed brain, I realized why I was truly pissed off at this article.  BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT!

In a world where war, poverty, starving children and rapists run rampant, why in the world are we accusing from one mother to another of trying too hard or trying to live up to something we’re not. Is the fact that I made a Minnie Mouse shaped cake to match the plates and the balloons and the invitations really that big of a deal? Is the fact that I prefer home cooked meals IF possible over take out or processed, something that really just means I’m “over thinking parenting?” HELL NO!  It’s simply my choice.

There are women who beat their children, drop their children off in dumpsters and do things to them that as a woman and a mother, I am unprepared to type. You know these monsters. We all read about them in our every day news. Yet, instead of congratulating another mother on her job well done we simply scoff and assume she’s fakin’ it till she makes it.

Shame on us.

Shame on us for not lifting one another up. For not recognizing that every parent and specifically mother is on her own journey and experience and only doing AS GOOD AS SHE KNOWS HOW. Shame on us for not supporting and celebrating the accomplishments and victories other mothers have, as much as we punish and chastise the mothers that do evil. Shame on us for shaming other mothers.

To be fair, I do agree with Mrs. Markowicz when she says, “Make sure your child’s life is fun and meaningful, instead of pretty and picturesque.” Truer words have never been spoken.  I want nothing more in this entire world than for my daughter to be healthy, happy and full of love.  But instead of holding anything at all in contempt of another person, just celebrate what they do well and move on. And maybe at some point you remember that your friend Susie Homemaker is fantastic at making centerpieces, call on her for help and guidance. In return and gratitude, offer your services at something you excel at, whatever it may be. If we were a society more interested in supporting not ONLY the children of our future, but the people raising our futures, we may be pleasantly surprised at the examples we demonstrate and the outcomes from it.

Personally, I enjoy making Halloween costumes, painting and cooking. They are some of my super mama strengths. I lack in patience and the ability to listen to the same God-awful cartoons day in and day out. I don’t believe in giving my toddler a bath every single day. I am a vegetarian, but I let her eat meat if it means she will eat SOMETHING! I am not perfect, but I am trying. I am doing the very best that I can in the journey that I am on, with the tools that I have available to me. And the one universal tool happens to be love. We all have it, we all use it, some to open different doors than others, but we all have it. Recognize your path, respect that someone else’s journey is different and at all cost, just lift one another up towards the common goal of loving and protecting our children and you have succeeded.

Rant over.

My Saving Grace: Mama Friends That Understand

WHEEWW! We have ALL been there. Burned out, stressed out, on the brink of losing our freaking minds and nowhere to turn. And then… just as you thought you were the last non zombie mom alive, actually believing that you could feel yourself going to the dark side… you get a text message from a fellow mama friend, saying she’s going to flip her s*%t and you break into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. That’s right everyone, MISERY DOES LOVE COMPANY! And on days when your toddler won’t stop saying no or throws her food on the ground or the laundry keeps piling up, it feels so much better to have friends who understand. Friends who WON’T JUDGE YOU! Friends who would totally get why you locked your kid in their room for 15 minutes so you could have a freaking hot shower by yourself for the first time in days. Not saying it’s happened, I’m saying they would get it. Don’t judge me.

And THANK GOD for these friends, in whatever form they come in. If you’re lucky enough to have family and friends close by to lean (cry) on, then power to you! Or maybe just a few around that truly get it. You don’t really need A LOT OF FRIENDS that understand… just enough to make it seem like we are actually all in this together, IT’S NOT JUST ME!

Trust me, a lot of my friends actually DO NOT GET IT. They are still single, or newly married, carefree (see last post : / ) and baby free. YES, they “understand it’s difficult” when my 2 year old daughter stays up until 1am because we’ve been traveling and her clock is askew. And it’s “totally normal” to get “frustrated” when Kennedy ONLY throws fits with me. Not her dad. Not her grandparents. Not her teachers. NO, THIS IS A SPECIAL GIFT FOR MOMMY! They mean well, but they really don’t get it.  How could they?

And I find myself siting there trying to explain that I REALLY DO LOVE BEING A MOM.  “OHH, of course you do sweetie.” Yea, right, they probably think I’m bat shit crazy. Poor Krysta isn’t handling motherhood very well, is she. Yea? Bite me.

Because even though these friends, and they truly are AMAZING friends, don’t get it, thankfully I have a few that do. AND THEY SINGLE HANDEDLY MAKE THE WORLD MAKE SENSE AGAIN. Being the oldest to one brother (who I hope doesn’t have any kids out there yet, just kidding Bran), I never had a sister growing up. But I’ve been blessed to have 2 great sister-in-laws through Abasi and 1 of the 2 is right here with me in this journey of being first time mamas. Niki gets me. I mean really gets me. Her son, my nephew and Kennedy’s best friend in the whole world, Kai, is 7 and half months older than Ken. And we live 2 miles from each other, here in Costa Rica. Can you believe my luck? That means I follow her parenting trajectory like no one’s business. Just when we think Kai has fallen out of a bad habit, Kennedy follows in his footsteps and BOOM it’s like dodging baby temper grenades all over again. When I’m at my lowest, I can call her and say “the little terrorist is going to make me punch myself in the face” and she just laughs. And I need her to laugh at me, because I need to laugh… at anything.

Going for a bike ride with Kai and Kennedy ❤

And then you have experiences with mommy friends that are so special and rare because distance doesn’t allow you to commiserate, laugh and share on the regular. But when they do, as was the case when my dear friend Alli and I got to drive 6 hours from Atlanta, GA to Destin, FL last September, you’re able to get it all out: the laughing, the crying, the frustrations, and the guilt free bragging. And so back and forth, 6 hours each way, we had our first real talk as mothers.  It may not happen often, but I relish it when it does.

Alli and I with little Benny and Kennedy ❤

And finally, because you are a mom, you start to meet NEW moms. Friends who you might never have met if it weren’t for your little ones going to daycare. And let’s be honest, a majority of these parents you will simply be cordial with at pick up and drop off times, before RUSHING HOME to savor your moments of freedom. Or clean the house, do the laundry, grocery shop… whatever, when there’s not a kid attached to your leg while doing it, even laundry seems fun. BUT sometimes, you will strike gold and find a really cool parent that is going through the same stuff, at the same time, and HEY what do you know? You both just dropped off your kid… did you say coffee?? You mean, go sit down in a café, drink a cappuccino and talk to an adult? YES PLEASE! And that’s how I feel about my friend, Zoee: mother to Amira and my newest and super awesome friend whom I simply adore laughing and talking with over a simple cup of coffee! Do we mean it when we call our children “Midget Monsters” whose only purpose is to wreak havoc on our lives and sanity? NO. But is it funny and amusing to be so outlandish? Damn skippy.

And there will be more. More friends will join the elite ranks of “love my child, but I’m gonna lose my cool” mamas. It’s all a part of it. For women and friends that don’t have kids yet, I DON’T BLAME YOU for not getting it… neither did I before Kennedy. And truth be told, I appreciate your honest attempt at making me feel better, but you would be appalled at some of the things I’d be willing to do for a hot shower by myself every once in a while. It’s probably better if we leave our war stories to ourselves and save your innocent and naïve souls.

And that my friends, is what saves my sanity, what warms my heart, what keeps me going when times get tough… my friends that understand. It can be extremely lonely when you are at your wit’s end. And honestly, at the end of a long day, the last thing you want is to complain to your significant other about “how rough it was today.” So, without some of their funny stories or comparable nightmares, I could quite honestly lose my mind. Niki, Alli, Zoee and more are all beautiful examples of exactly what I need and when I need it.

We all have one or two… or I hope you do… so go on and call up that friend the next time your angel takes off her diaper, pees on the floor and then plays in it. Or when you’ve been listening to your kid scream for 45 minutes straight. Or the next time that cutest little thing in the whole wide world, looks at you and says NO! for the 1000 time that day and you can actually envision yourself on a boat to no where, all by yourself, happiest you’ve ever been. Obviously, these are just moments in an otherwise awesome journey and experience. I would never want to be all by myself, without Kennedy in my life… for more than 2 weeks… err days, err hours. We’re human folks, and we need other people to remind us of that. So thank you to all the mama friends, mine especially, out there that continuously help one another out, reel in the crazy, swap stories and remind us that “this too shall pass.” Preferably over margaritas. Just saying.

What was your “on the brink moment” when you needed some serious sanity saving? Can you look back at laugh at it now?  Feel free to share below… remember it’s funny when it happens to someone else!

Niki and I with Kai and Kennedy at the beach in Punta Uva.

Super Moms by day… Super Women by night…