Judgments Be Damned… 10 REAL Things Every Mama Thinks But Shouldn’t Say Out Loud!

Prepare yourself people, we’re speaking the truth.  As I’m sure you’ve heard, parenting is AMAZING… but also a bit bat shit crazy.  There are moments of beauty followed DIRECTLY by moments that make me go, “ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?”  Aside for having to tame my wild beast of a child every day, I also have to deal with work, maintain my friendships and (try to) keep a household. Am I the only one going nuts here? Throughout the day, I probably think of a million random, crazy, funny-bordering-on-inappropriate or exhausting things in my head, but dare I say them out loud!?  YES… I dare.  There are just some things that need to be said, judgments be damned, so all us Mamas know we’re not alone in this intense world called parenting.  So all you thin-skinned, truth shaming son’s of guns better stop reading now, because below are 10 things no mother is supposed to admit… until now.

1. I could knock her out. Let’s get the elephant outta the room shall we?  Disclaimer (so I don’t have my daughter taken away from me): I DO NOT CONDONE child abuse in any way, shape or form.  BUT let’s be honest… I could HYPOTHETICALLY punch my kid in the face at least twice a day.  Have I ever done it?  OF COURSE NOT.  Would I ever do it?  NEVER IN MY LIFE.  But could I actually envision knocking her out after the 18th time she’s bitten me that day, thrown her food on the ground or peed on a pile of clothes??? YEP, damn skippy.  If, as a parent, you have never thought just for 2 seconds about knocking your kid out, then you’re lying.  It’s not heartwarming, it does make you feel like a monster and you do hate yourself for a moment, but (supposing) it’s only a thought and never put into action… you my friend, are NORMAL.  Go scream into your pillow and get it outta yo’ system.

2. I don’t really care about breastfeeding… one way or another.  I didn’t breastfeed because I couldn’t, but truth be told, I was slightly relieved.  I know this sounds horribly selfish, but I’m glad I didn’t have a baby attached to my breast at all times, because running a business and being a new mom was already hard and tiring enough.  Maybe if I could have physically done it, I would be singing a whole other tune and I applaud the women that are able to make it work while working or running a household, but for me it just wasn’t a deal breaker.  If I could, I would, I couldn’t so I didn’t.  No big deal, grab the formula and let’s rock and roll.  Hell, I wasn’t breastfed and I happen to think I’m pretty awesome.

3.  I let my kid skip bathing/ brushing teeth to avoid fits.  Blah, blah, blah, I know hygiene is important, but so is my sanity.  I said I let my kid SKIP, not completely omit, and if my daughter going to bed without a bath means avoiding a meltdown then I say: WINNING!  Have you seen The Walking Dead?  That kid NEVER gets a solid washing and he’s as badass as they come- she’ll thank me later, I’ll thank myself now.

4. Tame your damn kids.  Yes you, the mother letting her kids run all over the restaurant… get your kids in check.  I know no one wants to say it, and every mother is only “doing as best as they can do,” but if little Sally is in a particular “rules be damned mood” that night, how about you keep her at home and let her eat a grilled cheese for dinner?  I don’t need my kid seeing your little monster running all around while I’m trying to explain to my own tiny terrorist that she must at least ACT as if I am a little in control of my chaos.  Get your kid off the table or gracefully bow out and go home.  Sorry, not sorry.

5. There are some days that I wish I could tune out my daughter, lay on the couch and watch Scandal all day long.  I do genuinely enjoy time with my daughter, who is quickly becoming a funny, little spitfire, but SOME days the endless questions, too much Dora the Explorer or needing to be all up in my grill would be sooo much better spent alone and binge-watching TV… with a cup of coffee… ok, bottle of wine.  I said no judgements.

6. I will bribe my kid into submission all day every day.  Oh yes, this is a real line of defense in my home.  If my daughter wakes up already in a sour mood and I haven’t even had time to open my second eye lid, I will move directly towards “cookies for quiet time.”  Thankfully, unlike me who inhales my food, she is an EXTREMELY slow eater, so one cookie gets me enough time to make the coffee.  The second cookie buys me time to drink my coffee and if I’m lucky, I can break a third cookie in half (did you really think I’d give my daughter 3 WHOLE COOKIES before 8am?? C’mon I’m a good mom!) to buy myself just enough time to pee with the door closed.  OH SWEET BRIBERY, YOU SAVE ME TIME AND TIME AGAIN!

7. Have your people call my people, because I’m going to sleep. Oh, sweet partner of mine, I’ve been sleeping for 2 hours but NOW you’re crawling into bed trying to wake me up to get some lovin’?  Too bad, too sad my friend.  After waking with our child, feeding her, bathing her, entertaining her, caring for the dog, cleaning the house and attempting to look like a human (that cares) most of the day, I go to sleep early for a reason… I AM FREAKING TIRED.  You want some sugar?  Then make your move earlier, after the kid’s asleep and before my third cup of the coffee of the day has worn off.  It’s called strategic planning my dear.  Love you though, really.

8. I love to see my single girlfriends, but… I really have no desire to go get drunk, party and listen to you complain about your new flavor of the week.  OUCH… I know that one probably stings.  Listen, it’s not that I don’t love you ladies, but let’s sit down for some coffee or lunch.  Make some dinner and drink some wine?  I know you want to go get trashed, but my life is well… different now.  And not to add salt to the wound, but I chase a toddler around all day who yells at me, throws things and spits her juice out… your questionable judgment in perpetual losers and random sex only makes me want to crawl into a hole more.  Let’s be adults and talk about real things.  Again, love you though, really.

9. If I do go out, and get tipsy, I am still a mom and will talk about my daughter all night long.  I’m not saying I like it, but it’s a fact.  Let’s say you actually do convince me to shower, put a bra on and go out on the town, I will be the annoying mom who can’t stop talking about my kid all night.  Oh how life has changed my friends.  Now, instead of waking up after a night out, worrying about drunken texts or stupid actions, I wake up KNOWING I embarrassed myself by going on and on all night long about “my daughter, the love of my life.”  Geez, get it together, right?

10.  I was less of a person before my child. But my biggest admission?  If I hadn’t already blurted it out, tears forming in my eyes while buzzed on too much tequila, then it is this:  I would not be the person I am today without my child.  I don’t know who I even was before motherhood and could never contemplate a life where my entire world didn’t exist around 1 tiny, crazy, terrorist-esque, beautiful creature.  Sure, there are days that I daydream about jumping ship.  Days spent envisioning my life single and free to travel the world, staying in little loft style apartments, sustaining myself on bread, chocolate and wine, but that is a life for someone else.  For me, my biggest secret is that I would take all the dirty clothes, poop diapers, thrown food, bitten thighs, ear piercing screams, endless nights, early mornings, tears and moments of mind boggling exhaustion for 4 simple words… ‘I love you Mama.’

 

WHEW, I feel better!

Embracing the Evolution of (Our) True Love

I’ll admit it, I’m a sappy, firework wanting, romantic at heart.  I use to think there would actually be days when I would find my Prince Charming and birds would sing, people would dance and we might actually float off the ground.  Cute, right?

Well, thankfully, I DID find my Prince Charming when I fell in love with my best friend 8+ years ago.  No, no one sang and danced… well he did, he was in a band after all… but there were sparks.  BIG TIME! We were THE COUPLE that everyone wanted to be; We were best friends that fell in love.

Fast forward through 8 years of traveling, laughing, great friendships, tough decisions, international moving, big fights, stupid fights, owning a business, a baby and more and the spark that once dazzled has mellowed out, leaving us a bit… well, flat at times.

Truth be told, I even freaked out a bit.  I thought we were losing it… losing us.  I thought that without the spark, the romance and the constant love-proving moments that we were heading towards an inevitable demise.

And then I realized the truth.

I realized that true love evolves from butterflies, “the brand new” feeling and that spark into comfort, longevity and trust.  I realized that…

True love is him always leaving me the end of his coffee because I like it.
True love is overcoming the fear and surprise of a perfectly, unplanned pregnancy.
True love is him holding me without words when we found out my mom was in the hospital.
True love is holding him through a cancer diagnosis for his mom.
True love is crawling into bed with our daughter after a night at work and feeling the braid her Daddy put in her hair after her shower.
True love is crying together as we dig a hole to bury our dog that just passed.
True love is binge watching TV shows late into the night.
True love is sitting together, hand feeding our other sick dog.
True love is laughing… a lot.
True love is holding hands in bed after a tough fight.
True love is that different spark we get when we’re having a “perfect family moment.”
True love is tickle fights in bed with our daughter.
True love is looking one another in the eye and fighting to make it work.
True love is hard, it is work and it is not for everyone.
True love… for us… is knowing that through it ALL we will have each other’s backs.

True love, at the end of the day, is different for everyone.  True love for us, means getting through the hard parts together.  No, it will not always be sunshine and smiles, flowers and fun, but I am honored to have found someone that I feel it is worth fighting for and with.  I am finally starting to realize that the  fireworks are always special to watch, but it’s who you watch them with that makes them magical.

To my best friend, father of my daughter, future husband and partner through it all, I celebrate us… and our evolution of true love. ❤

 

10 Truths About Friendships That Kids Can Teach Adults

My mom always said you should never have to put more into a relationship than 60/40 to make it work. At times, you will be the 60 and at others, your friends will be the 60, but if a relationship… of any kind… becomes more giving than balancing, than it is probably not worth your energy in the long run. 10 years ago that made sense and it still rings true today. Friendships, especially as adults with families, careers, making ends meet, yada yada yada are hard to maintain, let alone keep. True friends, of course, get that your friendship will ebb and flow, moving with the current in life, but always in the right direction. But still, at the end of the day, friendships though important and sacred, can be down right exhausting.

Until that is, I started watching… not keeping my eye on… but REALLY watching my daughter’s interactions with her friends. Slowly but surely I began to see a pattern- a simple approach to friendship. An innocent, honest, raw and EASY happiness in the children, both on their faces and in their actions. Day after day, I think about all of the “things” we need to teach our children: manners, ABC’s, numbers, etc… but the more I am surrounded by these tiny, beautiful, wacky people, the more I realize I am learning from them.

Here are 10 truths that I was reminded of by watching my daughter and her tiny people posse:

Friends Come in ALL Shapes, Colors and Sizes

Living in a town as culturally diverse as Puerto Viejo, we often find ourselves rubbing elbows with parents and children from around the world.  Just in my daughter’s class alone there are kids from Switzerland, France, America, Canada, Italy and of course Costa Rica.  To them, they are just kids; some with brown hair, some with blonde, some with dark skin, some with light skin.  Age, race, shape and more doesn’t even come into play (pun intended) when these kids get together.  Adults should learn to look through a kaleidoscope-esque lens more often, seeing people for WHO they are, not what they are or where they come from.  Adults could benefit incredibly by the innocent acceptance of people that children so beautifully and easily possess.

Find Someone You Can Be Yourself With

One of the most important things about having friends is the opportunity to just be yourself.  A true treasure in life is finding that person or group of people who allow you to be exactly who you are without hesitation.  Find someone, in every relationship you enter, that loves you for you and not someone they WANT you to be.

Find Someone You Can Be Silly With

Hopefully, you have a circle of friends like this, but if not, I sincerely hope you start making some. Happiness comes in spades when you are surrounded by people who enjoy being silly and letting loose.  Watch children who spin in circles together just to fall down and laugh and you’ll see the allure… having fun + not caring who’s watching = pure joy.

Sharing is Caring

This may seem rudimentary and we all know kids have a hard time with this one too.  It’s ONCE THEY GET IT, that the wheels start turning and they actually enjoy sharing.  Now, my daughter and nephew try to pass their harmonicas back and forth more than you’d probably like to imagine.  I don’t expect you to start sharing your tooth brush with anyone, and granted you never did get that DVD back the last time you let a friend “borrow” it, but sharing comes in all forms.  Have a friend taking a new class? Lend her your book.  Have a new mom in the group? “Share” with her some of your first time mommy thoughts in a card or a journal, written specifically for her to pull on in tough times.  Is your friend meeting her boyfriend’s parents for the first time?  Share a sure fire, crowd pleaser recipe that you know will knock their socks off.  Sharing is more than giving an object to a friend, but the concept still remains so simple.

Imitation is Truly the Best Form of Flattery

Despite the age old adage, imitation can be rather frustrating.  Doctors say that toddlers imitate other children as a way to feel connected socially, while simultaneously beginning to introduce the notion of empathy.  In many ways, adults who mimic their friends are also only trying to “be a part of something” and imitate because they admire or enjoy the positive experiences associated with what it is that you’re doing.  Take it for what it is and appreciate the flattery.  If someone wants to mimic you, then truly give them something worth mimicking; you could sign up for a 5k or volunteer your time with charities, suggesting to your friend to join along.

Fighting is Normal

Kids fight.  Adults fight.  Parents fight.  Siblings Fight.  It’s all a part of it.  If you’re fighting, then MORE THAN LIKELY it’s because you have something worth fighting for… your friendship.  If not, it would have been Wam Bam, Thank You Mam… I’m OUT!  Get over it and see below.

Making Up Doesn’t Have To Be So Dramatic

Ok, so you had a fight?  Figure out if there was a legitimate reason for it and address it.  If it was something petty, do like the kids do: kiss and make up.  Assuming it was nothing life altering, you really can just hug it out and move on.  No, seriously, you can.

Find Someone You Can Dance With

Watching my daughter twirling with her friends is not only exciting for her but melts my heart at the sincere happiness being shared in such a simplistic way.  2 little lives… or maybe 3 or 4 or 5… dancing and jumping and twirling together, just because it makes them happy.  Rhythm or not, I love jumping on their bandwagon and joining the fun.  You truly can’t be down if you are grooving to some tunes, especially with your BFFs.

At The End of The Day, Sometimes You Just Have to BE THERE

Having friends to do things with, dance with or be silly with is great, but sometimes you just need someone to be there with.  No talking, no explaining, just being.  In these moments of silence and support, you find your true soul savers… the ones that are there for you, when there’s nothing to do but be.  Easier said than done, but the ones that can do this are irreplaceable.

It’s Okay To Need Time For Yourself

And finally, perhaps the best thing we can all learn from children is that it is perfectly fine to need some time to ourselves.  It is both scary and satisfying learning to be OK on your own… to know you don’t need someone around to make you complete.  When we finally come to this realization, we are on our way to being a better friend to others… and ourselves.

4 Dates as a Mama That Are Better Than Any First Date in the World

When you’re young and looking to fall in love, or maybe just looking to have some fun, dating seems like the biggest highlight of your fledging social life.  First dates, with all the butterflies, awkward moments and possible first kisses are magical in their own right, but what would you say if I told you it gets even better?  What if I told you I’ve discovered 4 dates in my adulthood… and specifically as a mom… that blow the best first date I’ve ever had out of the water?

The “Let’s Escape and Remember We’re Humans That Love Each Other Date”

To be fair, I have actually had a first date with this person- and it was pretty amazing.  BUT as exceptional as that date was, over sushi and loads of sake, I’m talking about a rendezvous even more special, more intimate… and one that rarely ever happens.  I’m talking about the elusive date with my fiancé.  That magical moment when we actually have a babysitter and can sneak away for a few hours to simply enjoy being adults together.  Yes, we love our daughter, but we also love one another and certainly do not get enough time to just let loose and share a few laughs, catch a movie or a plate of really delicious, salty parmesan and prosciutto.  When we enjoy each other more, we not only enjoy our family more, but we handle the bumps and bruises of parenting better together too.

The “You Save My Soul and Keep Me Sane Date”

Coffee? Check. Laughing? Check. Girlfriends? Check Check.  Mastering the art of the girlfriend date has been by far one of my biggest accomplishments and sanity savers.  Never in my life did I expect to find such raw happiness in laughing and talking… mixed with a bit of bitching… with my girlfriends over a good cup of hot coffee!  Nothing is off limits, from toddler tantrums to awkward gynecologist visits to the latest dumb fight with our spouses.  Girlfriends are the soul sisters sent to us to let us know we’re NOT ALONE (or crazy!)  No matter if it’s a quick cup of Joe, a long night with an endless supply of wine or anything in between, I relish the time to soak up all the support and love with my BFFs.

The “Embracing Every Moment of Our Legacy Date”

If you’re blessed enough to still have the opportunity for date #3, I suggest you get on it and savor every moment you can.  Opportunities to share time with my adult parents is by far one of the most treasured experiences in life.  Everything from learning little secrets I didn’t realize as a child to discovering more of who I am through the tales of my parents to their NOW WISE advice is something to behold.  Simply shopping (power walking and bargain buying) with my Mom or sitting on the back deck, sipping a martini with my Dad, time always seems to simultaneously stop and pass in the blink of an eye.  For a moment, I am transfixed- embracing this person whom I know will not always be around- trying my best to soak up every memory, piece of invaluable knowledge or family secret before the hustle and bustle of life starts again.  Though I vividly remember with joy my “Daddy Daughter Dates” as a child, watching vampire movies and eating large bowls of pasta, I still wouldn’t trade any of my adult conversations with my parents for the world.  I hold every nanosecond deep inside my heart to pull from, when inevitably one day, they are no longer around to guide me.

The “Little Toes, Big Smiles, Perfect Moments and Endless Love Date”

Finally, this brings us to the date of all dates.  The very MOMENT I realized I wanted life to literally stand still.  The moment I thought to myself “this is exactly how every true love should feel.”  That exact moment I looked at my daughter, lying in our bed with a big bowl of popcorn practically hiding her face, watching a movie and laughing.  Just the two of us in our pajamas, our hair messy from a day of play- date night with my daughter has turned out to be the most rewarding event of my life.  No wining and dining, flowers, first date sparks or butterflies can compare to the simplicity of true love between us.  It is in the very moment that we start singing or dancing to any number of Disney movies, that I know this… this moment right here… is my favorite date of all.  On any given day, my hundredth kiss from my daughter is still more special and cherished than any first kiss on any first date in the world.

Letting the Little Things Get You Through…

Today has been draining.

On top of numerous things forever circulating inside my brain about my family, my business and life in general, I have been feeling especially disconnected to… something.  I will admit it, I have been feeling kind of lost lately.  It’s not as if I don’t have a purpose… I’m a mother for God’s sake, I will ALWAYS have a purpose. I suppose it is just a rut, and I’m ok with that, because I’m strong enough to pull myself out of a rut.  And IF I’m not, I know I have people surrounding me that are waiting in the wings to lift me out.

But on top of just feeling  “blah” today, our dog Bentley hasn’t been eating and thankfully Abasi noticed 2 large lumps on his throat quick enough that we were able to take action.  Just walking into the vet’s office I cried at the sadly familiar surroundings.  Hopefully, we caught what we now know to be Tick Fever in time, because I simply cannot lose Bentley.  Preferably not ever, but knowing that that is impossible, I beg God not to let us lose him a mere 2 months after losing his mother, Gemini.

So, like I said, today has been draining.

But, with that being said, today I sang, I’ve smiled, and at a certain point I even laughed.  It is at moments when we feel the lowest that we sometimes, or at least I do, notice the highs of life caused by the smallest of things.

First I drove down a highway by myself… and fast.  NOT DANGEROUSLY FAST, but faster than the small roads in  Puerto Viejo allow for, but I wasn’t in Puerto Viejo anymore so I let it rip!  There is something in this world about driving with a purpose, sun and wind on my face, music blasting and singing out loud that makes my heart flutter and my spirits soar.  And so, despite it all, I sang.

Then I indulged in milk and cookies.  Hell yea, I did.  And I might have more later because I wanted to and because it made me feel comfort when I needed it.  Do I eat cookies every day?  No, I am conscious of what I put into my body, but I’ll be damned if I deprive myself a simple avenue towards feeling better.  Take what you can get when you get it.  And so, despite it all, I smiled.

And finally, I surrounded myself with my biggest high in life of them all… my kids.  Techinically I only have one, but my nephew Makai is such a beautiful part of my life that I love him like my own.  Kennedy and Kai are an extension of one another in every gorgeous way and being around them together is better than any prescription in the world.  I picked them up from school and drove slowly through the back roads listening to their conversations in Spanish and in English about butterflies, birds and how their daddies were taking their Auntie Cecily back to the airport today.  When I asked what they ate at school, they replied in unison “RICE AND BEANS” which for whatever reason cracked me up.  The energy, youth, love and humor that these two children possess individually and especially together is invigorating.  And so, despite it all, I laughed… a lot.

The Best “Happy Pill” in the WORLD: Being Around These Two Together ❤

My point is this: life for the most part is beautiful and on most days I have an insatiable appetite for it.  However, certain days can seem down right tough, tough, tough.  There are always curveballs to handle, unexpected expenses to pay, hurdles to get over, but enjoying the little things eases so much of that tension.  It won’t be the same thing for everyone, but whatever it is, use it, embrace it, enjoy it.  Mine just happens to be singing loudly and poorly, cookies and child Spanglish banter… and because of it, despite it all today, I sang, I smiled and I laughed.

  What are your stress relievers?  Go to happy makers?  Let’s hear it!