My Saving Grace: Mama Friends That Understand

WHEEWW! We have ALL been there. Burned out, stressed out, on the brink of losing our freaking minds and nowhere to turn. And then… just as you thought you were the last non zombie mom alive, actually believing that you could feel yourself going to the dark side… you get a text message from a fellow mama friend, saying she’s going to flip her s*%t and you break into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. That’s right everyone, MISERY DOES LOVE COMPANY! And on days when your toddler won’t stop saying no or throws her food on the ground or the laundry keeps piling up, it feels so much better to have friends who understand. Friends who WON’T JUDGE YOU! Friends who would totally get why you locked your kid in their room for 15 minutes so you could have a freaking hot shower by yourself for the first time in days. Not saying it’s happened, I’m saying they would get it. Don’t judge me.

And THANK GOD for these friends, in whatever form they come in. If you’re lucky enough to have family and friends close by to lean (cry) on, then power to you! Or maybe just a few around that truly get it. You don’t really need A LOT OF FRIENDS that understand… just enough to make it seem like we are actually all in this together, IT’S NOT JUST ME!

Trust me, a lot of my friends actually DO NOT GET IT. They are still single, or newly married, carefree (see last post : / ) and baby free. YES, they “understand it’s difficult” when my 2 year old daughter stays up until 1am because we’ve been traveling and her clock is askew. And it’s “totally normal” to get “frustrated” when Kennedy ONLY throws fits with me. Not her dad. Not her grandparents. Not her teachers. NO, THIS IS A SPECIAL GIFT FOR MOMMY! They mean well, but they really don’t get it.  How could they?

And I find myself siting there trying to explain that I REALLY DO LOVE BEING A MOM.  “OHH, of course you do sweetie.” Yea, right, they probably think I’m bat shit crazy. Poor Krysta isn’t handling motherhood very well, is she. Yea? Bite me.

Because even though these friends, and they truly are AMAZING friends, don’t get it, thankfully I have a few that do. AND THEY SINGLE HANDEDLY MAKE THE WORLD MAKE SENSE AGAIN. Being the oldest to one brother (who I hope doesn’t have any kids out there yet, just kidding Bran), I never had a sister growing up. But I’ve been blessed to have 2 great sister-in-laws through Abasi and 1 of the 2 is right here with me in this journey of being first time mamas. Niki gets me. I mean really gets me. Her son, my nephew and Kennedy’s best friend in the whole world, Kai, is 7 and half months older than Ken. And we live 2 miles from each other, here in Costa Rica. Can you believe my luck? That means I follow her parenting trajectory like no one’s business. Just when we think Kai has fallen out of a bad habit, Kennedy follows in his footsteps and BOOM it’s like dodging baby temper grenades all over again. When I’m at my lowest, I can call her and say “the little terrorist is going to make me punch myself in the face” and she just laughs. And I need her to laugh at me, because I need to laugh… at anything.

Going for a bike ride with Kai and Kennedy ❤

And then you have experiences with mommy friends that are so special and rare because distance doesn’t allow you to commiserate, laugh and share on the regular. But when they do, as was the case when my dear friend Alli and I got to drive 6 hours from Atlanta, GA to Destin, FL last September, you’re able to get it all out: the laughing, the crying, the frustrations, and the guilt free bragging. And so back and forth, 6 hours each way, we had our first real talk as mothers.  It may not happen often, but I relish it when it does.

Alli and I with little Benny and Kennedy ❤

And finally, because you are a mom, you start to meet NEW moms. Friends who you might never have met if it weren’t for your little ones going to daycare. And let’s be honest, a majority of these parents you will simply be cordial with at pick up and drop off times, before RUSHING HOME to savor your moments of freedom. Or clean the house, do the laundry, grocery shop… whatever, when there’s not a kid attached to your leg while doing it, even laundry seems fun. BUT sometimes, you will strike gold and find a really cool parent that is going through the same stuff, at the same time, and HEY what do you know? You both just dropped off your kid… did you say coffee?? You mean, go sit down in a café, drink a cappuccino and talk to an adult? YES PLEASE! And that’s how I feel about my friend, Zoee: mother to Amira and my newest and super awesome friend whom I simply adore laughing and talking with over a simple cup of coffee! Do we mean it when we call our children “Midget Monsters” whose only purpose is to wreak havoc on our lives and sanity? NO. But is it funny and amusing to be so outlandish? Damn skippy.

And there will be more. More friends will join the elite ranks of “love my child, but I’m gonna lose my cool” mamas. It’s all a part of it. For women and friends that don’t have kids yet, I DON’T BLAME YOU for not getting it… neither did I before Kennedy. And truth be told, I appreciate your honest attempt at making me feel better, but you would be appalled at some of the things I’d be willing to do for a hot shower by myself every once in a while. It’s probably better if we leave our war stories to ourselves and save your innocent and naïve souls.

And that my friends, is what saves my sanity, what warms my heart, what keeps me going when times get tough… my friends that understand. It can be extremely lonely when you are at your wit’s end. And honestly, at the end of a long day, the last thing you want is to complain to your significant other about “how rough it was today.” So, without some of their funny stories or comparable nightmares, I could quite honestly lose my mind. Niki, Alli, Zoee and more are all beautiful examples of exactly what I need and when I need it.

We all have one or two… or I hope you do… so go on and call up that friend the next time your angel takes off her diaper, pees on the floor and then plays in it. Or when you’ve been listening to your kid scream for 45 minutes straight. Or the next time that cutest little thing in the whole wide world, looks at you and says NO! for the 1000 time that day and you can actually envision yourself on a boat to no where, all by yourself, happiest you’ve ever been. Obviously, these are just moments in an otherwise awesome journey and experience. I would never want to be all by myself, without Kennedy in my life… for more than 2 weeks… err days, err hours. We’re human folks, and we need other people to remind us of that. So thank you to all the mama friends, mine especially, out there that continuously help one another out, reel in the crazy, swap stories and remind us that “this too shall pass.” Preferably over margaritas. Just saying.

What was your “on the brink moment” when you needed some serious sanity saving? Can you look back at laugh at it now?  Feel free to share below… remember it’s funny when it happens to someone else!

Niki and I with Kai and Kennedy at the beach in Punta Uva.

Super Moms by day… Super Women by night…