I think I forgot how much I actually wanted Christmas. No, not the gifts or the Christmas carols. And definitely not the snow… just Christmas. I know what the holiday is about. I was raised in a church and I get the religious reasons for Christmas, but we would be fooling ourselves if we said that was all Christmas is about anymore. Maybe it shouldn’t be this way… but it is.
What I’m realizing I want is the big Christmas tree, with the pretty and special ornaments. The sparkling lights, the candles, the wreaths. I want the stockings all lined up across my parent’s mantle. The houses lit up throughout the neighborhoods. Time with all of my crazy, ridiculous, obnoxiously loud but beautiful family members I rarely see. Keep the presents, I just want these things.
To understand you kinda gotta know my mom is a wonder woman. Seriously. As a child, we always went to my Grandma Jo’s house for Christmas. EVERYONE. All 5 of her kids, whatever kids they had at the moment. Whatever girlfriends, boyfriends, neighbors, friends, co-workers you name it that wanted to join… could and did. My Grandma passed away when I was 7 years old and without missing a step, my mom (& dad) inherited 2 dogs and Christmas. If you ask me, my mom was born to host Christmas. Yes, I’m sure she stresses herself out beyond belief, but if you could see the house after she decorates, or taste her cooking, or see the mantle with EVERY SINGLE PERSON’S stocking lined up across, then you would get it. She makes it so special. And so now, 20 years after taking over Christmas, the “Prizzi Christmas” is a full on circus of family, babies, friends, cursing, laughing, drinking, eating and an abundance of sassy love.
Love this picture of us for Kennedy’s 1st Christmas, but the real point for this picture is LOOK AT THE MANTLE BEHIND US! All of those stockings!! No one is ever left out!
Why am I so bothered about it this year? Because this year, we are not going “home” for the holidays. Instead we’re staying in our home of Costa Rica, basking in the sun, drinking margaritas and enjoying Christmas with fellow traveling friends, family and Lazy Mon staff. And please, don’t pity me… it will be amazing. I know this because I’ve done it one other time. The year Abasi and I trekked to Costa Rica, we stayed for Christmas instead of going back to the States. But we were high on the excitement of a new adventure then… and childless. Now that we have a family, it hurts not to spend the holidays with our EXTENDED FAMILY. And I know it hurts them too, which always deepens the pain.
I don’t know if it’s more of a subconscious desire to have the Christmas I’ve known for 27 years or if it’s a “you want what you can’t have” type of thing. All I know is I’ve found myself in a manic-esque craze the past week, pulling every DIY Christmas project from my arsenal. My top Google searches are “DIY Christmas Wreaths”, “Salt Dough Ornaments”, “Homemade Christmas Decorations.” I am craving to create Christmas in the Caribbean. I want to see it. I want Kennedy to see it. I feel like I need it to breathe right now.
Trial run for salt dough ornaments. Niki, Kai, Kennedy and I will make more later this week… new tradition for the cousins??
And so, here I am, spray painting pickle jars to turn into snowmen candle holders, buying cheap plastic garland to spruce things up, pulling every Santa hat I own out of hiding and making Salt Dough ornaments for a tree I have yet to find. In the end it will look “nice”, yet I still find myself yearning for the traditional Christmas I’ve known for 27 years but never knew I NEEDED.
This will be hard. Not just for me, but for my parents and I hate that. Aside from not having me, Kennedy or Abasi home for the holidays, they also won’t have my brother for the first time, who is here in Costa Rica with us right now. But that is a silver lining… we do have some family here. Like I’ve said before, Abasi’s brother Khalil with his wife (and my sister I never had) Niki live here in Puerto Viejo too. And they have their son Kai, so for the first time Kennedy and Kai will actually spend Christmas together. And my brother will be here, celebrating with us too. It’s our little satellite family, and I thank God for it.
So I guess that’s the way life works right? Circumstances force you to make decisions that you can either feel sorry about or make something of. While I am sad, I choose to make something of it. I will DIY the hell outta this house. I WILL find a freaking tree. I WILL put some Christmas magic into my tiny little Caribbean house. And I’ll do it because my Mom did it for us and because I clearly loved it more than I ever acknowledged. I have attachments to Christmas, that once deprived of, I never knew existed. And do you want to know something pathetic? I don’t think I have ever once thanked my Mom for putting together the amazing Christmas she does year after year.
So to you Mom, who I know is reading because you always do: THANK YOU! Thank you for running around, stressing yourself out, cooking for more than 30 people every year, decorating the house, lining up our stockings and making everyone feel so welcomed. But more than anything, thank you for creating a tradition in a loving home. Time after time, you knock it outta the park!
Happiest Gramz in the world. The tree doesn’t hold a candle to either of their shining smiles!
To all of you, Happy December 1st! 24 days to go, enjoy your holidays with your family and friends no matter where you are and cherish the traditions you have with your loved ones. Does anyone out there have a crazy, fun or sentimental tradition you want to share? I would love to hear it!
Innocence at it’s best… Kennedy’s 1st Christmas ❤
I think the little Jungle Princess is a bit overwhelmed with all of the “stuff” during her 2nd Christmas. No sticks and seashells here Kennedy.
It’s ok… she got use to the material life pretty quick…. she was on the phone all day with her stockbroker : )
Do You Have a Jungle Princess? 
This morning when your Mom and I were doing our daily “run”, she mentioned how hard it was going to be without all of you this year. She really wasn’t into putting out all the decorations that she normally puts out. After reading this wonderful tribute, I am sure she will change her mind! She is a great Mom to both of you!
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Wow Donna, thanks for telling me that! I had another post in mind for today, but felt like I needed to write about this today instead. I hope she does do everything she normally does, even if just for the reminder of so many great memories!! xoxo
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Love this!
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ok fine you guys! I ll put the damn mistletoe up!!xxoo
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o.k. I got my first early Christmas gift…this BEAUTIFUL Christmas blog that I will ALWAYS treasure…literally to the grave…next I want my calander…then Im good! (: Love you to the moon & back!
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haha, you’re pretty easy to “buy” for huh? Love ya Ma! Meant every word.
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Wow. Beautifully written. And thank you, Aunt Z. I ALWAYS loved coming to your house every year for Christmas. It is something that I have truly missed deeply these past few years. As you said Krysta, I guess we all make choices or are put in circumstances that we can either feel sorry about or make something of. I know I have made some disturbingly poor decisions that haunt me to this day, but I can’t say that I regret all of those choices. At the end of the day, I needed to go through all of it. My only regrets are to those that I hurt along the way. Almost 4 years later, here I am, living in Florida, and missing our big family Christmas once again.
There was a time when Brandon and I were the babies. We got so many presents and we got to be around a dysfunctional family that knew one thing above all: love. Christmas was a tradition for sure, but it was always the one time of the year where everyone let loose, kept their guard down, and just loved one another. I miss that the most.
Change is the only constant in life. I believe this fully heartily. Just like I believe in Jesus and what Christmas is truly about. And like you, I don’t want a gift and I don’t want a card.
In the past several years, my Mom always says something every thanksgiving that seems to sting some of my past wounds: “When am I going to have all of my boys home for thanksgiving again?” And I always tell her, maybe next year. But the truth is, I don’t really know. My parents are my biggest sorrow. Like Aunt Z and Uncle Chub, they value family. And it pains me knowing that I am here for thanksgiving while everyone is there, probably having similar feelings themselves.
I feel partially responsible. The Holidays haven’t been the same since I went off the chain. No one expected me to become what I had become. I didn’t expect me to become that person either. But If i felt sorry for myself every day, what a miserable 4 years it would’ve been. In reality, it has been the most exciting, painful, bittersweet, joyful, miserable, lonely, peaceful adventure I have ever been on. I can honestly tell you that for as smart as I am (or think I am anyways), I am dumb. For as good as I thought I was, I am wicked. Without Jesus Christ, I wouldn’t be alive right now to type this. In that alone I am forever grateful. In Him I can experience the pain of missing my family, especially during the Holidays, without letting that pain consume me.
What feels like a lifetime ago, I can still smell the chicken cacciatore cooking, hear my Dad crackin on Aunt Kim, see Aunt Pam laughing at my Dad’s comments to Kim, and feel the gas fireplace heating up the living room underneath all of the stockings you mentioned earlier. I cherish those memories forever in my heart.
At the end of the day, I can relate to what your saying and how your feeling. So this year, i am going to cherish the memories that I make with the people who I consider family here in Florida. I hope you and yours have a very special, merry Christmas, Krysta. As always, I love you, and tell Brandon I love him too.
Love,
Casey
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Casey, I am very proud of you for all of the progress you have made in recent years. Like you said, it will be a constant battle, and thats ok, the important part is you KEEP FIGHTING IT! Release the pain and regret you have, it was a terrible time, but it must be released to move on. In future years, I hope too that we will all be together again in one room. Let’s all work at making ourselves better every day. Love you and have a Merry Christmas as well. Family is family, no matter what form they come in, so embrace yours in FL this year. ❤ Thank yo for reading and for writing all of this. It was refreshing to hear the honesty.
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