My mom always said you should never have to put more into a relationship than 60/40 to make it work. At times, you will be the 60 and at others, your friends will be the 60, but if a relationship… of any kind… becomes more giving than balancing, than it is probably not worth your energy in the long run. 10 years ago that made sense and it still rings true today. Friendships, especially as adults with families, careers, making ends meet, yada yada yada are hard to maintain, let alone keep. True friends, of course, get that your friendship will ebb and flow, moving with the current in life, but always in the right direction. But still, at the end of the day, friendships though important and sacred, can be down right exhausting.
Until that is, I started watching… not keeping my eye on… but REALLY watching my daughter’s interactions with her friends. Slowly but surely I began to see a pattern- a simple approach to friendship. An innocent, honest, raw and EASY happiness in the children, both on their faces and in their actions. Day after day, I think about all of the “things” we need to teach our children: manners, ABC’s, numbers, etc… but the more I am surrounded by these tiny, beautiful, wacky people, the more I realize I am learning from them.
Here are 10 truths that I was reminded of by watching my daughter and her tiny people posse:
Friends Come in ALL Shapes, Colors and Sizes
Living in a town as culturally diverse as Puerto Viejo, we often find ourselves rubbing elbows with parents and children from around the world. Just in my daughter’s class alone there are kids from Switzerland, France, America, Canada, Italy and of course Costa Rica. To them, they are just kids; some with brown hair, some with blonde, some with dark skin, some with light skin. Age, race, shape and more doesn’t even come into play (pun intended) when these kids get together. Adults should learn to look through a kaleidoscope-esque lens more often, seeing people for WHO they are, not what they are or where they come from. Adults could benefit incredibly by the innocent acceptance of people that children so beautifully and easily possess.
Find Someone You Can Be Yourself With
One of the most important things about having friends is the opportunity to just be yourself. A true treasure in life is finding that person or group of people who allow you to be exactly who you are without hesitation. Find someone, in every relationship you enter, that loves you for you and not someone they WANT you to be.
Find Someone You Can Be Silly With
Hopefully, you have a circle of friends like this, but if not, I sincerely hope you start making some. Happiness comes in spades when you are surrounded by people who enjoy being silly and letting loose. Watch children who spin in circles together just to fall down and laugh and you’ll see the allure… having fun + not caring who’s watching = pure joy.
Sharing is Caring
This may seem rudimentary and we all know kids have a hard time with this one too. It’s ONCE THEY GET IT, that the wheels start turning and they actually enjoy sharing. Now, my daughter and nephew try to pass their harmonicas back and forth more than you’d probably like to imagine. I don’t expect you to start sharing your tooth brush with anyone, and granted you never did get that DVD back the last time you let a friend “borrow” it, but sharing comes in all forms. Have a friend taking a new class? Lend her your book. Have a new mom in the group? “Share” with her some of your first time mommy thoughts in a card or a journal, written specifically for her to pull on in tough times. Is your friend meeting her boyfriend’s parents for the first time? Share a sure fire, crowd pleaser recipe that you know will knock their socks off. Sharing is more than giving an object to a friend, but the concept still remains so simple.
Imitation is Truly the Best Form of Flattery
Despite the age old adage, imitation can be rather frustrating. Doctors say that toddlers imitate other children as a way to feel connected socially, while simultaneously beginning to introduce the notion of empathy. In many ways, adults who mimic their friends are also only trying to “be a part of something” and imitate because they admire or enjoy the positive experiences associated with what it is that you’re doing. Take it for what it is and appreciate the flattery. If someone wants to mimic you, then truly give them something worth mimicking; you could sign up for a 5k or volunteer your time with charities, suggesting to your friend to join along.
Fighting is Normal
Kids fight. Adults fight. Parents fight. Siblings Fight. It’s all a part of it. If you’re fighting, then MORE THAN LIKELY it’s because you have something worth fighting for… your friendship. If not, it would have been Wam Bam, Thank You Mam… I’m OUT! Get over it and see below.
Making Up Doesn’t Have To Be So Dramatic
Ok, so you had a fight? Figure out if there was a legitimate reason for it and address it. If it was something petty, do like the kids do: kiss and make up. Assuming it was nothing life altering, you really can just hug it out and move on. No, seriously, you can.
Find Someone You Can Dance With
Watching my daughter twirling with her friends is not only exciting for her but melts my heart at the sincere happiness being shared in such a simplistic way. 2 little lives… or maybe 3 or 4 or 5… dancing and jumping and twirling together, just because it makes them happy. Rhythm or not, I love jumping on their bandwagon and joining the fun. You truly can’t be down if you are grooving to some tunes, especially with your BFFs.
At The End of The Day, Sometimes You Just Have to BE THERE
Having friends to do things with, dance with or be silly with is great, but sometimes you just need someone to be there with. No talking, no explaining, just being. In these moments of silence and support, you find your true soul savers… the ones that are there for you, when there’s nothing to do but be. Easier said than done, but the ones that can do this are irreplaceable.
It’s Okay To Need Time For Yourself
And finally, perhaps the best thing we can all learn from children is that it is perfectly fine to need some time to ourselves. It is both scary and satisfying learning to be OK on your own… to know you don’t need someone around to make you complete. When we finally come to this realization, we are on our way to being a better friend to others… and ourselves.
Do You Have a Jungle Princess? 